Life can change in a heartbeat. A few weeks ago, a family
was stopped at a red light and rear-ended by a drunk driver. Their 10-year old
son, Matthew, suffered a severe head trauma and is in a medically induced coma.
The prognosis is not good and the family struggles to make sense of what was an
act of sheer reckless endangerment. While hopefully many of us will never
experience a trauma of this magnitude, we will all face some type of serious
emotionally shock that we need to deal with. In some instances, the ordeal can be
so severe as to dramatically alter who we are and the course of our lives. One's
life becomes unrecognizable in an instant. Even in those circumstances when we
are given time to prepare for the inevitable, such as the death of a loved one
suffering with Alzheimer's or MS, the loss can be significant. In any event,
one experiences a wide range of emotions that need to be addressed and healed
in order that the individual can minimize any long term damage.
Trauma is defined by the American Psychological Association as
the emotional response to an extremely negative event. It can manifest
physically as well as emotionally. It is absolutely vital that one acknowledges
their feelings rather than deny them. Every feeling has purpose and value and
denial of such in no way dissipates them. They reside within causing
unimaginable issues on multiple levels until identified and treated, much like
termites on wood.
All emotions are the direct result of our thought process.
What I think, my internal voice - the words I say to myself - dictates how I
feel. Therefore, I choose my feelings. In any given moment, I can change how I
feel by changing what I'm thinking. What makes trauma so challenging from our
day-to-day emotional state of mind is that we continually replay the powerful event
in our minds giving it energy to grow larger and more powerful. An understandable obsession that continually
reinforces the horrific event we just experienced keeps it alive in our minds
long after it has ceased. There are also neurological changes that occur in the
brain after trauma as well.*
Common Emotional
Reactions and Spiritual Solutions
Shock occurs when an event is so sudden or unexpected
that we experience an extreme state of disbelief. Oftentimes, our belief system
has conditioned us that such a terrifying act could not possibly happen to us.
We believe we are immune to such a severe type of crisis. Initially, the shock
can be so acute as to cause one to shut down emotionally, experiencing a sense
of numbness and stoicism.
Slow, deliberate deep
breathing enables oxygen to travel to the brain providing much needed nutrients
that maintain mental clarity and stimulate our logical thought process.
Realizing that no one is immune to tragedy and that God continually provides
every resource needed to navigate this dark path gives us hope and strength to
continue. That same faith in our loving Father reminds us that on the other
side of tragedy is triumph as God heals our pain and restores inner peace and
even joy.
Confusion: lacking clarity and direction. When one's
brain succumbs to emotional overload, it can be difficult to think clearly and
make rational decisions.
Enlisting the aid of
others willing to share their knowledge about what transpired can help you
better understand what occurred. Expressing your hopes about what you want to
do next and your longer term goals gives others the opportunity to guide you in
the right direction and offer valuable resources to assist you. Breaking things
down into smaller segments helps make the process more manageable and alleviates
anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Denial: one's unwillingness or inability to accept
the reality of what transpired. Extreme disbelief deceives us into believing
that there was a horrible mistake or that this is simply a bad dream from which
we will awake. Fueled by fear, it keeps us trapped in an alternative reality.
Both logic and faith
are the team mates that will help to bring us to victory over the inevitable. With
the assistance of facts and the input of those we trust, we can face the truth
about said event."The truth shall set you free" is more than a catchy
cliché. It is a powerful belief that reminds us that only when we deal with
reality are we really able to take back our lives and move forward. Remember
that God has already prepared us to face every challenge that enters our life
and with each one our lives are enriched.
Sadness results when life does not cooperate with our
plans. We experience disappointment and a sense of loss. One's marriage was
supposed to last forever yet somehow ended in divorce; homelessness is for
those in underprivileged neighborhoods, not for the college educated. Sadness
is a powerful emotion that robs us of the joy and motivation necessary to fully
embrace life.
Prayer, our
conversation with God, is a great tool to remove sadness and restore joy.
Reminding ourselves of all that God continually blesses us with each day, what
still remains in our lives to be grateful for, is the perfect antidote to sadness.
One cannot be sad and grateful simultaneously.
Anger is derived from feelings of helplessness or
powerlessness and is an outward expression of intense vulnerability and
weakness. Extreme anger leads to rage. One experiences anger when their
expectations are not forthcoming.
Everything external is
beyond my control. I have no authority over anything outside of myself and my
thought process. Realizing that life is not intended to conform to my demands
and by putting my faith in the One who created and loves me beyond measure, I
can relax and allow life to unfold organically. I understand that whatever
enters my life has a higher purpose and is meant for my spiritual evolution. I
can refocus my energies on how I allow my new circumstances to affect me, strengthen
me ,and enrich my life.
Regret: one feels remorseful over what they failed to
do or what was done improperly. An intense desire to relive the situation so
that one can craft a more desirable outcome is not uncommon.
Recognizing that every
experience, good, bad or indifferent, is a necessary part of one's emotional
and spiritual journey brings great comfort. Additionally, choosing to learn
from the experience and share that knowledge with others so they may learn as
well, adds immense value to a tragedy. Vowing to refrain from repeating the
same unfortunate choices builds confidence that future traumas can be averted.
Fear is the antithesis of faith. We worry that the
event will reoccur or that we may not survive what we just witnessed. Anxiety
also arises from our concerns that we and/or others may not be fine with their
new circumstances. Extreme fear can result in panic attacks, creating an
immobility that prevents the individual from moving beyond the incident.
On a practical level,
one can rely on their inner strength and attitude to overcome fear. Building on
prior experiences of overcoming hardships helps to strengthen one's
self-confidence. However, faith in God, trusting in the promises of the Lord,
is the true path to overcoming fear. When one truly knows that God would never
allow anything to enter our lives that we were ill-prepared to handle, and
handle well. His perfect love for us would shield us from that experience if necessary.
Therefore, I need not fear the here-and-now nor the future for the same loving
God is ever present.
Blame is a self-defeating behavior directed at the
one we believe to be rightfully responsible or it can be wrongfully aimed on
the self. People may hold themselves accountable for something they had no
control over. For example: a parent whose child is diagnosed with a severe disease
may feel as though there was something defective within them that they
inadvertently passed along to their child, causing their child to become ill. Some
blame God. However, our loving Father cannot cause bad things to happen as this
violates His very nature. He gave us free will, intellect and choice. Events of
the human genre are caused by man's own actions.
Blame involves
judgment which is a defeating action as it devalues the individual. Taking
ownership for one's mistakes while being compassionate of mankind's
imperfections removes shame, self-loathing, and misdirected anger. Forgiveness
for their misguided actions and for their weaknesses allows us to move beyond
anger and blame and restore the peace God intended for us.
Revenge often follows blame (of others). There is a
natural human need to seek justice on those who perpetrated the offense against
us. However, vengeance never produces justice as it cannot right a wrong or
undo what has happened. One is still left with the residual effects of the
event and a healing must still occur. Revenge is often thought of as a learning
tool for the offending party as well as a deterrent from committing the
atrocity again. However, neither has ever proven effective and only perpetuates
suffering onto another.
Vengeance is mine,
says the Lord. This in no way implies that God will punish those who committed
the offense. On the contrary: Divine Love seeks to teach and heal and that is
what God seeks for all His misguided children. Prayer is a powerful deterrent
to revenge. Pleading for mercy for the offender heals the one making the
request.
Guilt is not an uncommon reaction to a traumatic
event particularly when others have suffered more than you, been severely
injured or lost their lives. Survivors guilt is a common occurrence when others
have passed away.
Understanding that you
were in no way responsible for the event occurring, nor could you have
prevented it is a good beginning. Many survivors find great comfort in
realizing that God has a special plan for them. Realizing this and fulfilling
His Will can be very comforting and alleviate residual guilt. It is also
important to remember that even for those who have been injured, their
experience is just as much a necessary part of their life's journey as your
suffering is for you. This in no way minimizes it but simply helps one to find
some sense of peace, though rarely in its entirety. As for death, many view it
as an end or a punishment. It is neither. Death is a transition from the
temporal physical world back to the existence of eternal spirit which is our
ultimate goal. One can find great comfort in knowing the other party has
achieved a state of permanent salvation.
Never allow your life
or who you become to be defined by your trauma. You are not your ordeal. It was
a life experience that has a higher purpose. Your knowledge of and reliance on
God will enable you to better navigate your way through a devastating event to
a more empowered and meaningful life.
Acceptance of what is
or what must be for our higher spiritual awareness allows us to find peace in
our new circumstance.
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*https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/09/16/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain/
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