"STICKS AND STONES: DISARMING HURTFUL WORDS

I used to pride myself on being sensitive. The problem was I was easily hurt by the things other people said to me. I lived in a chronic state of pain which lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. But the alternative (being cold and aloof) was less appealing so I resigned myself to a life of sorrow. But as I got older and more comfortable with myself, the criticisms and negative comments of others became less problematic for me. I realized that words have no power other than what I assign to them. The word stupid for example does not evoke any particular emotion unless I take personal offense to being called stupid. 

If you are easily offended by what others say, consider working on building a healthier sense of self, one which allows you to listen to both positive and negative comments directed at you. There is much that can be learned from the unattractive remarks we hear about ourselves. After all, which one of us would not benefit from correcting some of our imperfections? Here are a few more tips:

1. Don't take personal offense to what is being said. Their truth is more opinion than fact.                                      

 2. Listen objectively to their comments. Like a mirror, people reflect back to us what they see that we may not be aware of. This can prove to be of great benefit to us.                                                                                

 3. Pay attention to your internal reaction. What does it reveal about you? Are you too sensitive, insecure, opinionated, close-minded?  Work on improving these.                                                                                                                                                          4. Did you misunderstand or misinterpret what the other party said? Ask for clarification.                                                        

 5. If they are deliberately being rude or hurtful address your concerns and set boundaries. Then forgive them for their poor behavior and let go of the hurt. 

If you are the one uttering hurtful words, take into consideration the following suggestions:

1. Before beginning, consider your motives. Are they honorable? If not, do not proceed until they are.                    

 2. Speak the truth and temper it with compassion and sensitivity.                                                                                                 

 3. Carefully choose your words making sure to consider all possible methods of expressing yourself.                             

4. Imagine how the other party is interpreting what you are saying. Put yourself in their shoes.                                                  

 5. Remember that it is what you say as well as how you say it. Choose polite honesty over brutal honesty every time. You're efforts will be greatly appreciated and you will earn the respect of all parties.   

Words don't have to hurt. It is the individual who gives them power. Choose your words carefully for once spoken they can never be silenced.  

                                                                        

Some great articles to read:

 "M & M's: Motive and Method" @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#motive

 "Tell It Like It Is" @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#tell-it

"The Looking Glass" @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#looking-glass

Order  The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf

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Ten Tips on How to Argue With an Idiot

"Idiots" are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People are inherently good but each of us at times acts out in an obnoxious or difficult manner. As you know, I do not make excuses or condone bad behavior but I do practice being understanding and non-judgmental of it.

When arguing with a person acting in an idiotic manner, here are a few tips that will be beneficial to all parties:

1. First assess if the situation even warrants your time and energy. If not, no response is necessary and you are free to ignore the comments.

2. If, in fact, you feel it is essential or you choose to engage with the other party, examine your motives for doing so. If you have any hidden agendas or your reasons are not purely honorable, refrain from interacting at that time.

3. Relinquish the need to be right, to be acknowledged, to be heard or to win. Most likely none of those will occur.

4. Practice diffusing statements. Refrain from making inflammatory comments that will fuel the argument. Remember the R/D/C Method: Refuse (to get caught up in the drama), Diffuse (using proper verbiage), Choose (alternatives to methods that have proven ineffective in the past).

5. Operate from a place of Spirit. Never allow ego to dictate your course of action.

6. State your position once. Do not repeat (unless they sincerely need clarification), explain, justify, or convince.

7. Be firm, fair, clear, and brief.

8. Acknowledge their position, feelings, beliefs and such. Be sincere. It is the first step towards gaining their respect and cooperation.

9. Thank them for their time and for sharing.

10. Know when to bow out of the discussion. Either change the topic or disengage completely (walking away is a form of disengaging.) Make a statement to inform the other party of your intention. "Nice speaking with  you. I wish you the best. I have to leave now." 

Remember, true personal power is the ability to be unaffected negatively by outside circumstances. Maintain your composure and dignity and always extend respect to the other party regardless of how badly they are behaving. Be the example.

Order  The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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The BLAME Game

When something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame?
“I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault”
“My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.”
Sadly, many people hold others accountable for what isn’t working in their life.
Things are a mess and rather than take ownership they blame others. What they don’t realize is that blame robs them of personal power.
Just take a look at the word itself: BLAME. Can you see the two other words hidden within? Lame and Me. “How lame of me to blame.” The definition of lame is “weak”. Blame is a sign of weakness.
Responsibility is power. When one takes full accountability for their life - the situations they’re in, the way they feel, the choices they make - then no one has power over them.
Life happens…to all of us. I may not be able to control what occurs around me but I certainly decide how I am going to handle it and how I will allow it to affect me.
You can choose to spend less money, look for a higher paying job, scale back on your expenses, pay off your bills and become debt free…or not.
Your mother’s hurtful remarks about you do not constitute truth. You can remind yourself that God created you as a beautiful and valuable person. His Word is Truth. Then begin making more intelligent decisions about your life. Or, remain stuck in the past and continue to hold your mother accountable for your suffering.
Do not relinquish you life, happiness and success to another. Take ownership for everything you do, have and are. No one is responsible for your life except you. Vow to become the kind of person you can admire and create the life you desire. Be the master of your own destiny. Blame no one.
Take a look at what’s not working in your life right now. What did you do (or fail to do) that contributed to your current circumstances? What changes would you like to see happen? What can you do now to make that occur?
Blame serves no constructive purpose. It places us in the role of victim and renders us powerless. Feelings of powerlessness lead to anger, resentment, bitterness and self pity. And that, my friend, is the shortest road to misery.
Refrain from Blame. Live a powerful life of unlimited abundance.
Please share this message with all who would benefit.

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A NIGHT AT THE RACES

When I was younger I must have fallen asleep for twenty years like Rip Van Winkle. Then when I awoke, somewhere in adulthood, I noticed a most unusual evolving phenomenon: in a world where only two distinct races existed (black and white) there were now Hispanics, Asians, Latinos, and others.  Over the next several decades, more and more groups of people were being classified as such. A recent internet search uncovered an anthropologist named Carleton S. Coon who, a mere fifty years ago, decided to divide humankind into four major races: white/Caucasian, Mongoloid/Asian, Negroid/Black, and Australoid (sounds like something from outer space). These races are further subdivided into as many as 30 subgroups. Wow! I'm speechless! 

I question who granted Mr. Coon the authority to decide people needed to be segmented into distinct groups? And by what criteria - the color of their skin, shape of their eyes, country of origin? And for what possible purpose? Was some good meant to evolve from this action? I can understand segmenting animals into specific categories: mammals, fish, birds, insects. Each has distinct characteristics, needs, living conditions, behaviors, and so forth that set it apart from other species. But people? How are we so intrinsically different from one another that we need to be regulated into different classes? Are we not all comprised of bone and tissue, muscle mass and organs, hair and skin, fingers and toes? Do we not all share the same emotions, need the same things to survive such as food, water and love? Do we not all enter this world in the same way, breathe the same air, laugh, cry, hope, and dream the same things? 

Classifying dogs into different breeds is harmless. Each canine knows instinctively that underneath the obvious external differences, they are alike. People? Not so much. Categorizing humans causes a breakdown in understanding, trust, and ultimately relationships. We fracture our likenesses. By emphasizing our differences we instill uncertainty and fear in one another. And fear leads to aggression.  To survive as a species, we must develop and mentality of unity, of similarities and commonalities, of oneness. We are all children of God...Period. 

Let's remove all language and attitudes that separate and divide us. Let us think and speak as one and the same. I am human. You are human. The packaging may be different but inherently we all identical. When asked what race I belong to, I respond with, "The HUMAN race." You see, it truly is the only one. Everything else is a myth.

Order  The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf

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