Consider the following scenario: you and your neighbor
engage in a political discussion. After a few moments, it becomes apparent that
the two of you have serious disagreements about the upcoming presidential
elections. Being equally as passionate about your positions, the debate quickly
becomes heated. You, a more confident narrator, have more specific points to
back up your statements. Her frustration is evidence that she is feeling
somewhat at a disadvantage. Try as she will, she realizes she cannot compete
with one as knowledgeable and confident
as you. Her self-esteem takes a hit as she struggles with feelings of
inadequacy and humiliation. In an attempt to restore her dignity and create an
equal playing field, she resorts to sarcasm and arrogance. "Well, it's
impossible to argue with someone who's always right." Or perhaps she
denigrates herself with, "I'm certainly no match for someone as brilliant
as you!"
Sarcasm is a form of passive/aggressive anger meant to mock
or insult the other person. Rather than being straightforward, the individual
expresses harsh or bitter disdain against the other party in a covert manner. This
can be presented in a mocking or contemptuous way characterized not only by
their choice of words but the tone in their voice as well as body language,
specifically facial expressions. Very often
the intention behind the actual words is the direct opposite. Stating that one
is brilliant is actually intended to
convey the message that they are self-centered and egotistical.
Arrogance is another form of dealing with what one perceives
to be an imbalance of power. One displays a sense of superiority over others,
has an over-inflated sense of self-worth, and lacks humility. Those who project
the image of having vast knowledge when in truth they know little if anything
about a particular subject matter. Their insecurities cause them to become
overly protective of their image, fearful that others may discover the truth
about their imperfections and flaws. They can be snobbish at times deluding
themselves into believing they are superior to others. This facetious post on
social media illustrates my point: "I'm not a snob. Ask anyone who knows
me - well, anyone that matters." Years ago, there was a commercial on TV
for luxury cars stating they were available for "well-appointed
buyers". In other words, for the elite only - arrogance in advertising.
In the case where one or both parties resorts to sarcasm or
arrogance it's important to recognize that behaviors both are deeply rooted in
fear, an underlying component of anger. Fear results from a lack of
self-confidence, failure in recognizing that one is fully capable of dealing
with the situation at hand. Overly concerned about what others think of them,
they feel compelled to portray an air of intelligence, competency,
indifference, etc. Any display of what they perceive to be an imperfection
leaves them vulnerable to criticism which would further damage their already
low self-esteem.
So what is the solution? When dealing with an arrogant or
sarcastic person it's important to build a trust with them in order to put
their fears to rest. Knowing you will not judge them enables them to be more
honest and real with you. Openly admitting to your own flaws is one way to
accomplish this as it helps to put them at ease, knowing you are comfortable
with your own deficiencies. It's also critical to set boundaries with them in
how they speak to or treat you. If something is offensive, call them out on it
in a respectful manner. Never allow disrespectful behavior to continue.
If you tend to be
snarky or condescending, work on valuing yourself more. Identify your weaknesses and work on
strengthening them. Know that your flaws are part of what makes you unique. Remind
yourself daily of the attributes God has blessed you with. Giving credit to the
One who created the distinctive person that you are enables you to remain
humble and thoughtful. Remember that you
were born equipped to handle whatever life hands you, including those who do
not share in your beliefs. It is in our differences that we learn and evolve as
a human species. Recognize when you are acting from a place of fear rather than
faith it is important to stop, reassess the situation and yourself, and
consciously choose a more confident and loving behavior. Doing so will make any
situation more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone.
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