I learned to be critical of myself at a very early age. I never did anything right; everyone else was
better than me; and even worse, I was
never good enough, period. It didn't
help that during my impressionable formative years, society taught that the
more you denigrated a child the harder they would try to improve. Long after my
childhood was behind me the inner critic continued its sinister assignment of
keeping me trapped in a pattern of callous judgment and self-loathing.
I'm a grandmother of thirteen. When I look at my grandchildren
I see how they try and fall short; they act out and use poor judgment; they
hurt themselves and one another, sometimes accidentally and other times
purposefully. Their behavior, whether compliant
with my standards or not, does not define them, nor is it a gauge upon which I measure my love
and acceptance of them. Eventually they will grow and learn but that will occur
in their own individual times and manner and not necessarily in accordance with
my dictates. A loving grandparent (or parent) embraces them with patience,
understanding, guidance, support, and love.
Why do I extend grace to others but omit the person I am
closest to? Society, parents, teachers, and church leaders have instilled in us
certain parameters by which we measure our value. By a predetermined age we are
expected to have mastered certain physical capabilities, acquired the necessary
social skills needed to sustain personal relationships, chosen a career path, discovered
our place and purpose in the world, and worked through any residual agendas carried
with us from childhood.
"I should know better!" "I'm too old to be
making these mistakes." "Look how much others have accomplished compared
to me. I'm such a loser." Although considered the highest form of life on
the planet, we are the only genus that measures our development against that of
our own species. We compare ourselves to others and that, my friend, is one of
our greatest infractions against humanity. (Keep in mind that unmet
expectations are a source of discontent and anger.)
The ancient wisdom of Native Americans declares, "Do
not judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes." An impossible feat
by nature (no pun intended), this precludes judgment from ever transpiring. Yet
once a criticism or comparison is implanted in our brains it can haunt us for a
lifetime. It is our internal dialogue, that wretched voice in our head, that indoctrinates
us with these insidious falsehoods, repeating them incessantly until they
become our truths. Our inner critic devalues us, damages our self-esteem, makes
us feel sad, depressed, hopeless, and apathetic and fill us with despair.
Is there a way one can silence the antagonist within?
Absolutely!
1. When your inner critic appears, politely yet firmly
instruct them to leave, reminding them that your mind is only receiving affirmative
guests from this day forward.
2. At the onset of a negative recording, interrupt and replace
it with positive testimonies, repeating words of encouragement and love. Recall
favorable comments others have made about you in the past.
3. Understand that you were given human form in order to
learn necessary lessons for your spiritual development.
You were not intended to be perfect. Mistakes are normal vital steps towards Divine discovery. But keep
in mind: they do not define you.
Appreciate them for what they contribute to your life.
4. Remind yourself daily that you are a sacred child of the
Almighty and All-loving God who created you in His image. Separate your intrinsic value from your human
imperfections. Nothing can diminish your true worth as it has been pre ordained
by the One who created you.
And lastly, always remember that our God is a God of tenderness
and mercy. He alone defines our worth. He does not seek perfection but asks only
for sincere effort. Be kind with yourself for Father God is kind with you. Be
patient and understanding and compassionate for these are the graces He bestows
on you. As a loving parent fully and tenderly embraces their child without
conditions or restrictions, so too must we be willing to extend that same benevolence
to this child of God, the one who bears our unique soul print.
Mark 12:31 "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
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