Most of us work for a living. On or off the job we are bound
to encounter a wide range of, shall I say, challenging
personalities? Bullies, intimidators, hypocrites, backstabbers, underminers,
instigators, complainers, gossips, withholders, and know-it-alls just to name a
few. Their presence can be distressing and distractive. Many of us are
ill-prepared to deal with their ever unpredictable behaviors yet are quick to
hold them accountable for making it even more impossible to perform our already
demanding jobs.
As in all relationships, the interaction between both
parties contributes to the dysfunction on the job. Therefore, it is imperative
to first examine the self for any improprieties. Take a moment and reflect upon
the following:
~ Am I guilty of any of the preceding behaviors? Unless I am
able to identify my own destructive behaviors I have no right to complain about
others nor do I have the ability to improve the dynamics. I am responsible for
my own actions and must first be willing to change myself.
~ How is my attitude? Have I always been polite and respectful?
Was I in a bad mood the day we had an issue? Did I say or do anything that may
have provoked the other party now or prior to the incident?
~ What is my history with this person: amicable or hostile?
What is their personal history? Is this an isolated incident? Is this behavior
out of character for them or typical?
~ Am I blowing things out of proportion? Have I taken
personal offense to an issue that is not about me? Am I the only one in the
office who has an issue with this person or does he/she behave the same way
with all of us?
~ Is this impacting my performance on the job? It is causing
me significant distress? Do I need to address the issue with the individual?
Can I let it slide? Do I need to enlist the aid of another person such as my
supervisor to help resolve this?
Only after I have thoroughly and honestly examined my role
in this incident can I take action with (not against) the other party.
(Attitude is key: you are coworkers, not adversaries.) There are several keys
to dealing with individuals who exhibit the above characteristics:
1. Carefully and objectively assess the situation and determine
its level of seriousness. A minor incident may be well to overlook while one of
a more critical nature needs to be addressed.
2. Determine if this is something you are comfortable and
qualified to handle on your own. Involving a third party might jeopardize the
other's anonymity and sense of safety.
3. Choose the proper time and location to discuss the issue.
4. Utilize a firm yet fair approach, speaking with
confidence and clarity.
5. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Ask
questions rather than make assumptions or accusations. However, be certain to hold them accountable for their actions.
6. Listen open mindedly to their response or explanation.
Consider their point of view.
7. Set guidelines and boundaries if necessary.
8. State your position and what changes need to take place.
Ask for the same from them.
9. Reach a mutually agreed upon settlement and put the issue
behind you.
10. For those issues or individuals who will not change,
accept what is and do the best you can under the circumstances. Not every
incident will be resolved the way you had hoped for.
Remember that whatever course of
action you choose to take or not take, do so with dignity and integrity. Your
behavior reflects your character and the example you set may be just enough to
surreptitiously resolve the issue.
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