I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for
twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is
circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time
to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin
with...
Myth #1. Anger is a bad emotion. It's wrong to get
angry.
Truth: All emotions have purpose and value. They
are great tools that enable us to learn more about ourselves - why we react to
certain stimuli the way we do, what matters to us and what's unimportant, where
our expectations and judgments lie, and what circumstances we take issue with
that need work to correct. It is not the
anger that is bad - it is the way in which we manage (or don't manage) it and
express it that can cause serious damage.
Myth #2. When you feel angry, it's best to let it
out and get it off your chest.
Truth: Yes and no. Sometimes it's not necessary to
express how you feel. Many issues can be resolved internally without ever
verbalizing your displeasure. Sometimes it's not wise to convey your feelings. Blatantly
telling a police officer that you're livid that he pulled you over for speeding
could cause him to become irate and rather than simply issue you a warning you are
slapped with a hefty ticket. However, there are times when it is perfectly
acceptable and advantageous to let the other party know that you are upset with
them or with what has transpired. Sharing feelings invites open dialogue that
can clear the air, gain deeper insights, and strengthen relationships.
Myth #3. You can't help the way you feel.
Truth: Anger is a choice. I decide if I want to be
upset about a situation or just let it be. All emotions originate in the mind
with a thought. And since I alone choose my thoughts I also choose the
corresponding emotion. When my best friend fails to return my call after a week's
time, I can tell myself she's being rude or consider that she might have simply
forgotten. One evokes anger, the other compassion. Either way - my choice.
Myth #4. Other people/things make you angry.
Truth: People or events (outside stimuli) are triggers,
not causes. Whenever we experience an event (something occurs, someone
says/does something that does not meet our criteria for what should
happen) we become agitated. Pay careful attention to the expectations and
demands you place on yourself and those around you. Expecting that there be no
traffic at 7 am when I leave for work, is likely to cause me to become irate
when I find myself in bumper-to-bumper congestion on the freeway. A simple readjusting
of one's expectations to what is reasonable for the situation alleviates any
potential anger from manifesting.
Myth #5. Anger is hereditary. If you have a bad
temper you can't help it - it's in your genes.
Truth: Anger is a learned behavior. Claiming that
it is inherited is an avoidance tactic - a way to circumvent taking
responsibility for your attitude and subsequent behaviors. Under the right
conditions, anyone can control their anger. If the consequences are too high
(perhaps you run the risk of getting fired for an explosive outburst at work)
you will contain your feelings until you are in a safer environment where the
dangers of expressing it are far less. A bad temper can be healed with the
proper knowledge, tools, and commitment.
Myth #6. People with anger issues yell, scream,
throw things, hit, punch, etc. Those who don't react with aggression don't have
a problem with anger.
Truth: Not so. One is simply more apparent than the
other. Many people are afraid to openly express how they feel and keep their
anger bottled up inside. This can lead to depression, health issues,
relationship problems, addictions, somatizing (inflicting harm upon oneself
such as self-mutilation), self-loathing, and more. Others resort to sarcasm, the
silent treatment or other covert behaviors. And there are some who are in
denial of their anger believing that it is wrong and/or that they will be judged
because of it. Either way, suppressing anger can have potentially deadly
consequences.
Anger is a normal, healthy, useful, and necessary
emotion. Acknowledge it when it arises, get to the root* of what is bothering
you, heal those issues, and let it go. Anger directed appropriately can yield
positive benefits for you and those around you. Choose your emotions wisely for
they direct the course of your life.
*Learn more in The Secret Side
of Anger
To order a copy of The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
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