Healing Anger Natur-ally

Several years ago, I had a client whose nine-year old son had anger issues. His doctor diagnosed him with ADD and suggested medication to quell his angry outbursts. "What do you think?" the mother inquired of me. Not an advocate of prescription medications (with the exception of the most extreme cases), I told her honestly that if it were my child I would exhaust every natural method before resorting to drugs. "Is he at risk for hurting himself or someone else?" I asked. "No", she replied. "He has meltdowns." After some discussion, we came to the mutual conclusion that her son was extremely frustrated (for a variety of reasons)."Let's explore some calming resources of the natural genre" I recommended. "If they are unsuccessful we can always seek other remedies." She was in complete agreement. 

I love nature. To me, it is synonymous with God. And nothing is more soothing than Divine Energy. So I created a list of activities for him to utilize each day to calm him emotionally and soothe his frustration.

Prayer: communicate each day with the Divine, whether in formal prayer or through casual conversation. Research has show that those who have a connection to a Higher Power have a greater sense of calm and serenity. Whenever one begins to feel upset, talk to God. He's available 24/7, is a really good listener, gives great advice and comfort, and He's fees are generally very reasonable. 

Nature: spend time in nature each day. When individuals engage with lush vegetation, areas of the brain associated with emotional stability, empathy, and love become more active.*While running and playing outdoors have multiple benefits, mindfulness is critical to fully reap its benefits. Practice being present to nature by removing all technology, conversation, or outside distractions. Choose an object and focus all of your energy on it. Listen intently to the sounds of nature: wind blowing through the trees, running water in a stream, birds chirping, crickets in the evening, the rustling of a squirrel as it springs from branch to branch. Walking, hiking, and gardening are also valuable activities anyone can participate in on a daily basis.

Water: humans are comprised of nearly 75% H20. Minor dehydration can lead to pessimism  and negative thoughts can cause irritability and hopelessness (definition of anger). Sipping water throughout the day rehydrates and can prevent such an occurrence. 

Aromatherapy: nature fills the air with an abundance of delicious scents. These can be accessed naturally or purchased in retail establishments. Lavender is long known to help relieve anxiety (a mild form of fear - a root cause of anger) and also alleviate depression (anger turned inward). It's properties enable the brain to slow down the activity of the sympathetic nervous system that responds to stress (frustration - another root cause of anger).Chamomile, sandalwood, and lilac are just a few scents that can be used to mitigate anger. 

Natural herbs: I've used both herbs and aromatherapy for my dogs who have had emotional issues due to abuse. I found Valerian Root to be one of the most successful. It relaxes muscles (which tense up when angry or frightened), and relieves anxiety. Skullcap is a more potent version of Valerian Root. Passion Flower is known to calm the mind and prevent agitation. 

God has blessed us with so many natural remedies for whatever medical or emotional issues we encounter. Why not take full advantage of what is readily available to us rather than rely on man-made products? As for my client's son - I'm happy to say that he was able to avert the need for prescription meds after having incorporated some natural remedies into his daily routine. Try Nature. You just might be pleasantly surprised. 

*Dr. Alan Logan, College of Naturopathic Medicine

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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PROD Method of Conflict Resolution

 Conflict: one of the most feared words in the English language and sadly one of the most misunderstood as well. My mission: to bring deeper awareness to this benign term, to remove all preconceived negativity associated with disagreements, and to reinstate it's position of value in our vocabulary. If anyone is prepared to undertake such a loft goal, it is I - Conflict Resolution Girl!  (Ta-da-ta-da!)

Lately I've been conducting a lot of conflict resolution workshops for businesses. In almost every case attendees admit to avoiding conflict whenever possible. "I hate fighting" is a common response. Yet conflict, I explain, is not synonymous with arguing. It's simply defined as "two forces in opposition", two differences of opinions or views. With the proper skills, disputes can actually be a valuable asset.

Consider the PROD Method the next time a disagreement arises. PROD stands for Position > Request vs Opinion > Demand. Let me explain:

First, state your Position: how you see things, what is not working for  you, and how you feel. Here's an example: A manager notices that one of her employees takes longer than permissible lunch breaks. She approaches the worker and states the following: "I've noticed that on several occasions you've left early for lunch and/or returned later than the thirty minutes allowed. Company policy is very clear as to when employees may leave and exactly when they are expected back. I find it disconcerting when you bend the rules."

Secondly, express your Request: ask for what you need/expect, being fair and reasonable, assertive and confident. "I need you to pay closer attention to the time you come and go. I'm confident that will not be an issue for  you. If  you need assistance, I'd be happy to help."

The second portion of PROD refers to Opinion and Demands. 

Consider the same scenario but the manager expressing her Opinion rather than Position. "You're taking advantage of this company by not obeying the rules. You think rules apply to everyone but you."

Follow this with a Demand: "Do it again and I'll have you fired! Don't push your luck or you'll regret it."

Can you see the distinct differences? Position shows respect for the other party by dealing with facts only and refraining from assumptions, judgments, or threats. It speaks in the first person ("I" terms) about an observation, feelings and needs, and treats the other party as an peer. The Request is based on fairness, seeks a reasonable solution, and relies on trust that the other party will fully comply. 

 

Opinion, on the other hand, is subject to interpretation rather than being fact-based. It's judgmental, rude, hurtful, and fails to take into consideration the other person's feelings.

Demands create an imbalance of power - a parent/child or authority/subordinate relationship. (Even though it may apply it is not necessarily advantageous.) Its fear-based origins lend themselves to giving strict orders with severe consequences in order to gain control and obtain the desired resolution. 

Consider how you would best respond to another person approaching you to discuss a sensitive issue. Polite, fair, reasonable, and respectful vs judgmental, rude, excessive, and hurtful. It's a no-brainer. And no, that does not mean that you don't need a brain. It takes a fair amount of intelligence to master the art of resolution but even more than brains it requires sensitivity, compassion, consideration, and respect. And those all come from the heart.

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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Alternative Healing Modalities for Anger

When I was a child, my mom always utilized natural methods for healing. Fevers were treated with cold compresses to the forehead, sucking on frozen juice pops, and cool baths. Burns were treated with ice, colds with chicken soup.  Rarely was medication given to restore health. 

Even when we are emotionally unwell, we can utilize many natural modalities to balance our energies and restore wholeness. Music, aerobic exercise, nature, prayer, meditation, and massage are just a few than can calm our anger, fear, sadness, hurt, stress, and more. By incorporating these into our daily routines, we can lower our starting point of anger. On a scale of one to ten, if I normally respond to anger with a seven, by practicing calming behaviors I may find myself responding with a four or five. Ultimately, I may even discover that I am relatively unaffected by those triggers that previously had the power to disrupt my serenity and ignite my ire. 

I have always been a proponent of healing troublesome emotions rather than simply keep them under control. Given a choice, would you not want to heal a cancer rather than simply get it under control? 

About twelve years ago, I adopted a dog that had been used for medical research for the first seven years of her life. When Halle joined our family, she was suffering from a host of medical as well as emotional issues. Although anger did not appear to be one of them (she was the most loving and sweetest dog I've ever had the privilege of "mommying"), she did struggle with issues of extreme fear and anxiety (root causes of anger). A search online revealed the benefits of precious and semi precious stones. Gemstones are not only rare and visually beautiful  but each contain unique properties that can benefit people in a variety of ways. For Halle, one of the stones I chose was blue lace agate, known for its calming abilities. I also utilized rose quartz and rhodocrosite which I subsequently sowed into her collar to maximize exposure to their energies. Hematite was used to keep her grounded as she had a tendency to disconnect from her current situation. In time, I noticed a significant difference in her demeanor. She was more calm and relaxed and her anxiety had subsided significantly.

I have clients who use prescription medication to keep their anger under wraps. About five or six years ago, I had a woman come to my office. "I have trouble keeping friendships because of my anger. Even my family can't stand me at times. My doctor has me on a combination of six different medications. It helps somewhat but I always feel 'drugged up' and I hate being on them. Can you help me?"  By helping her to understand where her anger was originating (the root causes) and addressing each of those emotional issues, we immediately saw a considerable improvement.  Added to that, I  had her choose some of the above mentioned behaviors and incorporate them into her daily routine. Within a few short weeks, she called to tell me she didn't feel that she needed her meds any longer. I strongly urged her not to take herself off of any of them without her doctor's consent. Her physician became irate at the mere suggestion and informed that she would be dependent on them the rest of her life. So she left his office and found another doctor willing to wean her off. A few weeks later, she called to tell me that for the first time in more than ten years she was making it on her own and never felt better. We continued to work together for a short time until I felt certain that she had make enough progress in healing her anger. With the proper understanding and through the use of some natural alternatives she was able to achieve the success and inner peace she so rightly deserved.

There are times in all of our lives when we may need the assistance of trained professionals and/or prescribed medications. I'm very cautious of ever becoming dependent on anyone or anything for my physical or emotional well-being. I prefer to  rely on God and nature and all things natural. They've worked for me every time.

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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Debunking Six Common Myths About Anger

I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with...

Myth #1. Anger is a bad emotion. It's wrong to get angry.

Truth: All emotions have purpose and value. They are great tools that enable us to learn more about ourselves - why we react to certain stimuli the way we do, what matters to us and what's unimportant, where our expectations and judgments lie, and what circumstances we take issue with that need work to correct.  It is not the anger that is bad - it is the way in which we manage (or don't manage) it and express it that can cause serious damage. 

Myth #2. When you feel angry, it's best to let it out and get it off your chest.

Truth: Yes and no. Sometimes it's not necessary to express how you feel. Many issues can be resolved internally without ever verbalizing your displeasure. Sometimes it's not wise to convey your feelings. Blatantly telling a police officer that you're livid that he pulled you over for speeding could cause him to become irate and rather than simply issue you a warning you are slapped with a hefty ticket. However, there are times when it is perfectly acceptable and advantageous to let the other party know that you are upset with them or with what has transpired. Sharing feelings invites open dialogue that can clear the air, gain deeper insights, and strengthen relationships.

Myth #3. You can't help the way you feel.

Truth: Anger is a choice. I decide if I want to be upset about a situation or just let it be. All emotions originate in the mind with a thought. And since I alone choose my thoughts I also choose the corresponding emotion. When my best friend fails to return my call after a week's time, I can tell myself she's being rude or consider that she might have simply forgotten. One evokes anger, the other compassion. Either way - my choice.

Myth #4. Other people/things make you angry.

Truth: People or events (outside stimuli) are triggers, not causes. Whenever we experience an event (something occurs, someone says/does something that does not meet our criteria for what should happen) we become agitated. Pay careful attention to the expectations and demands you place on yourself and those around you. Expecting that there be no traffic at 7 am when I leave for work, is likely to cause me to become irate when I find myself in bumper-to-bumper congestion on the freeway. A simple readjusting of one's expectations to what is reasonable for the situation alleviates any potential anger from manifesting. 

Myth #5. Anger is hereditary. If you have a bad temper you can't help it - it's in your genes.

Truth: Anger is a learned behavior. Claiming that it is inherited is an avoidance tactic - a way to circumvent taking responsibility for your attitude and subsequent behaviors. Under the right conditions, anyone can control their anger. If the consequences are too high (perhaps you run the risk of getting fired for an explosive outburst at work) you will contain your feelings until you are in a safer environment where the dangers of expressing it are far less. A bad temper can be healed with the proper knowledge, tools, and commitment.

Myth #6. People with anger issues yell, scream, throw things, hit, punch, etc. Those who don't react with aggression don't have a problem with anger.

Truth: Not so. One is simply more apparent than the other. Many people are afraid to openly express how they feel and keep their anger bottled up inside. This can lead to depression, health issues, relationship problems, addictions, somatizing (inflicting harm upon oneself such as self-mutilation), self-loathing, and more. Others resort to sarcasm, the silent treatment or other covert behaviors. And there are some who are in denial of their anger believing that it is wrong and/or that they will be judged because of it. Either way, suppressing anger can have potentially deadly consequences. 

Anger is a normal, healthy, useful, and necessary emotion. Acknowledge it when it arises, get to the root* of what is bothering you, heal those issues, and let it go. Anger directed appropriately can yield positive benefits for you and those around you. Choose your emotions wisely for they direct the course of your life.

*Learn more in The Secret Side of Anger

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/

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