Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Great Truth, Part 2: My Three Defining Moments

In his book, Self Matters, Dr. Phil explains that each of us has ten defining moments in our lives. These moments are deep and profound and can change who we are and redirect the course of our lives. While I've never actually counted mine, I can easily identify the top three.

The first occurred thirty-one years ago about six weeks after my husband left me with four young children.  Lost, frightened, and filled with despair, I felt I could no longer handle these burdens that were placed on me. Upon awakening one morning, I found myself surrounded by a strong Presence, one of great love and comfort, offering me hope and strength. I knew immediately I was in the Presence of God and all fear vanished. I felt renewed physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I knew I would be alright because I had God with me. Fear has never returned as my companion.

After a very long estrangement from three of my adult children, one re-entered into my life. My grandson would soon turn seven and receive his First Holy Communion. For the first time in many years, my ex and I would be in close proximity with one another. At one point during Mass, we are asked to offer those around us a sign of peace which usually consists of a handshake. Knowing my ex had a great deal of disdain for me, I prayed to God as to how to handle this delicate situation. His instructions? "Treat him exactly as you treat everyone else."  I realized God was not concerned with what my ex thought about me. He cared only how I treated him. This experience clarified God's desire for me - to do what is right by Him and not be influenced by how others feel or behave.

My third defining moment came by way of the Prayer of Mother Theresa. It gave examples of the way we live life: if others are unkind to you be kind to them anyway; if they don't appreciate the good you do, do good anyway." And so on. But it was the final stanza that resonated with me: "It is between you and God, not between you and them anyway." Suddenly, I realized that my life was not about me as a mother, daughter, sister, wife, business owner or anything else. My life was about my relationship with God! I am a child of God and I am here to live in a manner pleasing to Him. Living life on my terms is ego-centered and laden with mistakes, bad choices, pain, and suffering. But if I  follow God's Way, follow His direction, then every choice I make is morally right and I live a life of self-respect, satisfaction, immense joy, and inner peace.

Three moments that redefined who I am and how I live my life. I wonder what would happen if I discovered the other seven?

Share your thoughts about your defining moments.

For a copy of "The Great Truth: Shattering Life's Most Insidious Lies That Sabotage Your Happiness Along With the Revelation of Life's Sole Purpose", visit

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Three Part Series: The Great Truth, Part 1

We all have beliefs and clich├ęs that have influenced the choices we've made, the people we've become and the direction our lives have taken. Most of us try to be good people, do the right thing, and make smart choices. Yet we often fall short and end up suffering the consequences of our actions, sometimes causing hardship to those around us as well. We seek to understand the purpose of life, believing it is to find  happiness, success, love, health and financial wealth. Sadly, we discover each is conditional and temporary. So it's back to square one to try to recapture what once was. We take counsel  from those we respect and trust in the hopes of understanding where we failed and re-charting the course of our plans. "Do what makes you happy." "Follow your dreams." "Don't worry about what others think about you." "There's nothing wrong with you." Good intentions for sure, but sorely lacking in wisdom. Advice from others is imperfect as it is laden with prejudice,  limited knowledge, and personal issues of the one providing it.

How can we know for certain if the choices we are making and the way in which we are living our lives is truthful and accurate? How can I know for certain what the purpose of my life is? If my beliefs, the very foundation upon which I make personal decisions and build my life is flawed, then isn't it reasonable to believe each choice will be imperfect and will not bring me to my desired goal? We have been so conditioned to believe that my life is about me - what I want, how I feel, what is in my best interest. A life lived in ego is one of self-centeredness, guided by fear and insecurity, lacking genuine concern for others, and unable to recognize life's higher purpose. Even those with a generous heart and caring nature fail to live outside of ego. Yet without this awareness, one is destined to suffer and struggle from the moment of birth to their last breath. Only when one discovers the Universal Sole Purpose in life and lives in Divine Purpose will pain and agony cease and be replaced by unlimited and everlasting joy, love, health, and great success. It is possible. 

Tune in for Part 2 on Anger 911 Radio on May 27, 2013.

To purchase The Great Truth, visit

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Healthy Mind Healthy Body

World renowned leader in mind/body/spirit medicine, Dr. Bernie Siegel, was my special guest on Anger 911 today. His knowledge about the connection between our mental, emotional, and physical heal is unsurpassed and documented by scientific evidence.
The mind/body connection can be found even in Scripture. The Bible clearly states that "As a man thinks so he is." This does not apply simply to how one feels about themselves in terms of self-esteem but also as it applies to our physical health. In an email several years ago, I shared with Bernie my belief about heredity disease. "I don't believe we inherit medical issues from our families. I believe we inherit our belief systems and in turn our bodies respond." "You are exactly right," he avowed. If one believes they are predisposed to a certain medical condition, say heart disease, they put themselves at greater risk for developing it because the mind believes it to be fact and in time will act upon it. It is the mind that controls the body and what occurs mentally impacts the physical.

I think back several decades ago to a medical condition I had which involved surgery. It was the late eighties and I was experiencing a great deal of anger. I was p*ssed off at the world and I reminded myself daily. Within a short period of time, I developed an unusual growth on my bladder which had to be surgically removed. Two months of respite passed quickly only to be followed by a severe recurrence. I knew my anger (my emotional/mental state of mind) had caused my body to react negatively. I also knew that if I healed my emotions, my body would follow suit. It did. Negative emotions - whether they be fear, anger, jealously, hatred - can wreak havoc on the body's natural immune system. Likewise, positive emotions  strengthen it,  facilitating a therapeutic effect on our health.

In my book, The Secret Side of Anger, Bernie states, "One's life and one's health are inseparable. Genes do not make the decisions. Our internal environment does. You internalize anger and it destroys you. Self-induced healing is not an accident."
Bernie went on to say that our body stores our memories. Negative memories from childhood are stored in our cells and in time, those memories manifest as maladies. It is imperative to heal our past in order to protect ourselves from disease as we age.  Dr. Norman Cousins, best known for his research on the power of laughter to heal, is living proof of the power of positive emotions to heal the body. No challenge is too great for the mind. There have also been documented cases of individuals who receive donated organs only to discover they have knowledge belonging to the donor.

Pay close attention to what feelings you harbor. In order to ensure optimum health, keep a positive heart and mind. Bernie's recommendation: "Love your life and body if you want to be healthy." May I add, love one another as well. Here's to your health!

Visit Bernie at Pick up a copy of "Love, Medicine and Miracles", a classic and Louise Hay's "Heal Your Body"  - two of my all-time favorite books!  

The Secret Side of Anger, endorsed by Dr. Bernie Siegel, can be found at

Friday, March 8, 2013

Compassion Fatigue: Healing the Healer

Many of us find ourselves in a position of having to care for someone other than ourselves: our children, elderly parents, a sick or injured spouse or disabled family member. Some have careers as caregivers - doctors, nurses, therapists, psychologists, those working with the homeless - all noble professions that lend themselves to compassion fatigue, more commonly known as burn-out. I was a single mom of four beautiful children who consumed every waking hour of  my life. While I thought, as many of us do, that my selflessness was an honorable trait, what I did not realize was how my constant attention to my children was causing me to neglect myself.

Compassion fatigue is insidious, often disguising itself as exhaustion, resentment, stress, feelings of apathy or emptiness, anxiety, and hopelessness. Lack of caring for ourselves, the absence of being recognized and appreciated for our self-sacrificing ways chips away at our emotional enthusiasm and drains us of our physical energy. One must be mindful of their circumstances and the emotions they are experiencing.

Whether you are in the beginning stages of burn-out or deeply immersed, consider taking the following steps:
1. Know how and when to say "no" to others. Do not offer an explanation. Simply state that you are unable to fulfill their request.
2. Let others know what you need in terms of assistance, recognition for your efforts, and so on. People are not mind-readers and cannot know specifically what you need.
3. If what you are seeking from others is not forthcoming (such as praise) give it to yourself. You deserve to be honored for what you do and self-praise is just as significant as that from others.
4. Set and enforce healthy boundaries.*Do not allow others to use, abuse or take advantage of you.
5. Make yourself a priority (the oxygen mask principle). If you do not care for yourself you will be useless to others.
6. Put everything into perspective. Unless an issue is one of life-or-death most can be addressed at a later date.
7. Reach out to all available resources - friends, family, support groups. Each are valuable in their own right.

Caring for others is noble indeed but we must remember to nurture  ourselves as well.  After all, we are equally as important.

For more information contact Loren Gelberg-Goff @
* Learn more about boundaries in The Secret Side of Anger  available @