Relationships are the most challenging aspect of life
whether personal, professional, casual or intimate. Even with those we love deeply,
such as family members, getting along can prove challenging. Consider this:
more than half of all American families are estranged from one another due in
part to unresolved differences. Yet it
is not imperative that our differences be resolved, for if they were then we
would all be in agreement with one another all of the time. Not only is that is
highly unlikely (or should I say, impossible)
but it would prove disadvantageous for healthy relationship as well.
Differences are actually wonderful opportunities for personal growth and with
some effort we can learn how to coexist successfully with one another in spite
of said disparities. Consider this: I'm a neat-freak; my husband is,
well...not. My style of decorating is simple but unique decor; his is early
garage sale. Yet neither of us has tried to convince nor argued with the other
to conform to our way of living. We each respect the other person's taste and
have found a way of blending them together. In some instances, we've each taken
specific areas of the house that exclusively showcase our unique style while
allowing our spouse space enough for theirs as well.
Acceptance: One
of the greatest sources of conflict between two parties is one or both person's
unwillingness to accept the other
exactly where they are in their journey through life. We complain that the
other party should be different (more ambitious, responsible, adventurous,
thoughtful, etc), should know better (how to treat people), should be more like
someone else (honest, hard-working, independent), and so on. We compare and
complain rather than accept and appreciate.
A great teacher recognizes that although her freshman class
is comprised of all fourteen year olds, each one has reached a different level
of maturity, has different interests and talents, and learns in their own
unique way and time. The teacher will customize her teaching strategy for each
child in such a way as to maximize their learning experience in school. She
builds a relationship with each designed to foster a healthy learning
environment as well. We would be wise to model our personal and professional
relationships after the teacher's strategy.
Respect: the
second key component to supporting healthy relationships. Respect's universal
definition, according to Webster's Dictionary, is "to value; to place
value on". When we respect one another, we treat them with the dignity
given to a fine work of art. On every level, we express how much we value and
appreciate them as they are - as a friend, coworker, spouse, or simple as a
member of our universal family. We resist the urge to pressure or shame them
into being someone they're not or behaving in a manner that contradicts where
they are in their life's journey of is not consistent with what they must learn
in that moment.
One of mankind's primary needs is to feel important, to be
recognized for the unique person they are and to be held in high regard. One
who is treated this way by others can more easily deal with the challenges that
are a natural part of every relationship. When one feels unworthy, devalued or
unaccepted the pain they experience can easily convert to anger as they fight
for the recognition they deserve.
You can bring out the best in people or the worst. Always
encourage their goodness to shine so that all may benefit from their gifts.
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