If you've been following the presidential debates, you are
well aware of the bullying behaviors of some of our candidates. Gone are the
days when politicians debated national and global issues. Shockingly, but not
surprisingly, the debates have mutated into
verbal warfare against each opponent. So who is to blame for this vile
behavior? Many would point a finger at one candidate in particular who, from
the get go, set the tone of slinging insults and vulgarities at his opponents.
However, upon closer examination, it becomes quite evident that he is not the
culprit.
For several decades, this country has embraced disrespect,
anger, physical aggression, insults, and violence not only as a way of life but
as a form of entertainment as well. Millions of people video tape, post, and
view on the internet incidences of someone assaulting another person, whether
adult or child; top rated shows on TV involve married couples or housewives slandering
and abusing one another; today's music is laden with violent undertones
promoting aggression against women and rioting against humanity. Violence and
bullying are a billion dollar industry. Those who do not actively speak out
against it give permission for it to flourish and in doing become hypocrites
for condemning those in the public eye vying for the presidential nomination. So
it is not surprising to me at all that these debates contain the same
components as Hollywood and social media.
Yet, even so, there are some who are appalled at the
behavior of a handful of candidates and vow to cast a vote for another simply
to prevent a mud-slinging politician from residing in the White House. Others
cheer them on, feeling empowered by the audacity of those who speak what they
themselves feel in their hearts. The irony is that while some admire bullies,
it is this same behavior that is admonished in schools, is responsible for
multiple suicides among young people being subjected to ongoing abuse; is cause
for an employee to be terminated from their job or have harassment charges
filed against them; enables individuals to get restraining orders against those
who are threatening them; ends marriages and friendships and causes estrangements
in families and much more.
This vulgar form of behavior reveals a lack of moral values
and character in the bully. Contrary to what they would have you believe, their
behavior is not indicative of confidence and self-assuredness but rather the exact
opposite. Bullies are in fact insecure. They are overly concerned about how they are
perceived by their peers and must continually prove themselves. They are self-absorbed (it's all about them),
view aggressive behavior as powerful, need to control (fear-based), have poor
problem solving/debating skills, and lack compassion and empathy for others. Relying
on such behaviors as insults, sarcasm, threats, ridicule, name-calling, and
intimidation they experience a sense of power and control over their perceived
enemy seeking to defeat him or her. Bullying, as with riots, arise out of
feelings of desperation, fear, hopelessness, and powerlessness. Rationalizing,
conversing, and negotiating appear insufficient strategies in achieving a
desired result. In their minds, only aggressive actions will get the job
done/suffice.
One who is truly confident acts from a place of mutual
respect for all parties, even those they disagree with, and an eagerness to
openly debate any given issue coupled with a true desire to find the most
promising and lasting resolution. Opposing viewpoints are not perceived as
threats to their intelligence, competency, or
the outcome of the issue but rather as necessary elements to creating a
win-win situation for all those involved.
For whatever my opinion is worth:
One of the biggest downfalls of the target occurs when they
take personal offense to the bully's words. What the bully is saying reflects
their lack of integrity and is in no way reflective of who you are. Therefore, when dealing with a bully, it is imperative to remain in control of your
emotions. Bullies seek to get a reaction from their targets as a way of gaining
dominance over them. By remaining emotionally detached from their words, the
target is able to maintain their composure and reply intelligently and with
dignity rather than react emotionally. Always speak and/or respond with
confidence. Be assertive, rather than aggressive, and set boundaries whenever
necessary.
Attacking any individual is rude and disrespectful, and
reveals a level of insecurity not indicative of a strong leader. One must
remember to attack the issue and not the person. Refrain from trading insults.
Refuse to lower yourself to their level but rather set the standard to raise
them up to yours. Stick to the real issues of the debate and leave personal
attacks where they belong - buried deep in obscurity.
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