Check out Webster's dictionary. Anger is defined as "a
feeling of discomfort or displeasure brought about by feelings of helplessness
and powerlessness." My personal definition of a victim is one who views
themselves as having no power or authority. Many times, a victim will claim
that in a certain situation where they made a less than ideal decision, they
did so because they had no choice. "I had to pay my mechanic for fixing my
car even though I know he overcharged me. I had no choice!" This leaves
the individual feeling cheated, taken advantage of, and treated unfairly. The
natural reaction is anger since is produces a momentary feeling of power.
There are also many who believe they cannot choose how they
feel, that it is others who have dominion over their emotional state of mind.
Such comments as "You make me angry", "You hurt my
feelings" or "You embarrassed
me" indicate that others determine how one will feel based on what they
are doing or saying. Outside circumstances ("Rainy days make me feel
depressed") assign that power to external environment. In each scenario,
one runs the risk of reacting to the situation rather than carefully choosing
how to respond. Reactionary behaviors are rarely productive since they lack
intellectual consideration and self-control. One can easily cause any situation
to escalate based on poor reactionary choices.
So what is the best defense against anger? It is a two-fold
process. The first is intellect. We have each been given a reasonable amount of
intelligence. We are able to collect data, process it, sort it out, and reach a
conclusion. In any given circumstance, a rational mind can logically collect
all relevant information and determine right from wrong, good from bad, logical
from illogical, and so forth. Once complete, a decision can be made based on
the desired outcome and the most logical process to achieve it.
The second is the
power of choice. Each of us has been given the ability to determine for
ourselves what we will say or do, how will we proceed to do so, what actions we
will take or refrain from, and when we will end the process. Free will, even in
the event that I have no control over my current circumstances, enables me to
exercise my authority over my own feelings,
thoughts, and actions. No one can dictate how I think about an individual,
situation, or event. No one can determine how I feel about said person or what
is occurring. Nor can anyone dictate how I respond. Hard as they may try,
inevitably I alone determine each of these for myself. Additionally, I choose
how I will allow this event to affect me.
Choice extends beyond the obvious as well. One can choose to
be angry with a particular person or situation or not. Every emotion results
from our thoughts. I can choose to be judgmental and angry with someone for not
conforming to my ways or I can decide to be understanding and accepting. I can
get angry when I am treated unfairly or be grateful that I am a forgiving
person.
The best defense against anger is found in our intellect and
ability to choose. Therefore, be smart, think things through thoroughly, and
choose wisely. Less anger allows for more happiness. It's a no brainer.
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