It doesn't take much for some people to get angry. For
others, the process takes a bit longer. There must be certain criteria present
before one is willing to relinquish their serenity. For those who fly off the
handle rather quickly, there is a simple one word question they can ask before
choosing to become irate. The question is "Why?" Not "Why am I
angry?" but rather "Why is this happening?" Let me clarify.
Very often when an individual says or does something, we
take issue with it and become upset without understanding the why behind it. We don't feel that person
had any reason, or at least not a valid one, for saying or doing what they did.
"I know I said I would help you paint your living room this weekend but
I'm not going to be able to come over." You fly off the handle accusing
the other party of lying to you and not being a good friend. Without seeking to
understand the reason behind the action you form a judgment that is harsh, thus
leading to feelings of betrayal and anger. The township where you reside passes
several building codes that make no sense to you other than to cause you more
aggravation and expense when remodeling your house. "This is absurd!
They're trying to bleed me dry!" Your parent forbids you to date the captain
of the football team and you scream "I'm 17 - I'll date whoever I
want!"
Our lack of knowledge impairs our ability to surmise a rationale
behind said actions. Lack of understanding leaves us feeling at a
disadvantage; it renders a sense of
helpless and powerless, the very definition of anger. And we all know that
knowledge is power. By simply asking "Why?" I may acquire the
necessary explanation of the reasons behind the current situation. This enables
me to better determine if there is valid reason to become upset. Understanding
empowers. It enables me to make an informed, rational, logical, intelligent
choice as to how to react and/or respond to the other party. I can exchange
judgment for awareness and compassion, thus avoiding a negative reaction.
How would you respond to an individual if you knew their
motive behind their choice was well intentioned even though the end result did
not reflect that? Perhaps that person really wanted to help and honestly did
the best they could with the knowledge and skills afforded to them. There are
times when a simple misunderstanding may prompt someone to make a decision that
appears completely illogical to others. "Based on the set of choices I had
at that time, I made the best decision I could." We don't always have the
ideal set of options and sometimes must avail ourselves of the one with the most
apparent advantages. A parent who denies a child something they want may be
doing so in order to protect their offspring. Being too immature to fully
understand their motives, the child throws a fit of rage. But upon
clarification by the parents, their ire recedes as they more fully appreciate
the concern behind the decision.
There are times when we may not be privy to the
"why" and must make the best decision regardless. Even in the event we acquiring the motivation
behind the action, the individual may still feel justified in becoming angry.
In those situations, be willing to carefully express your feelings while
channeling your anger in a constructive manner.
Before jumping to conclusions, seek to understand the
"why" behind the action. You just may save yourself a lot of
unnecessary angst and preserve the integrity of your relationship as well.
Order The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
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