I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who never experiences
stress. Most of us become frustrated when things don't go the way we planned or
when others don't comply with how we want them to be or behave. A sense of losing
control triggers feelings of uncertainty within us. Mild anxiety, or sometimes
full blown fear, propels us to seek to regain power over the situation or
individual. Yet authentic power is never about exerting authority over others
but rather demonstrates our ability to remain unaffected adversely by our
external environment. The true causes of stress lie not in what is occurring
around us but rather by what is taking place within us. All emotions, of which
stress is one, originate internally. Consider the two internal origins of
stress:
Perception: how we choose to see things, events or
people defines our reality. Our perception is not determined by the actuality of
our experience but rather by the thoughts we form about them. Reality: I've told my children a thousand times to
keep their rooms clean yet every time I check on them they are a disaster. Perception: They do this just to drive me crazy!
Truth: most children are not concerned with the order of
their rooms. Messy is their normal. A simple shift in our perception can
instantly alleviate stress. They're just
being kids. They'll learn eventually, I hope. And if not, it's really not that
important.
Expectations: Is it realistic to expect that my husband
have the same interest in music as I do? Is it fair to think that adults of a
certain age should know how to treat one another respectfully? Is it reasonable
to think I can work a full-time job, raise my children, and care for my elderly
parents on my own, and do it all really well?
We demand a lot of ourselves and live in an age where
multitasking and workaholism (that's not a real word but you know what I mean)
are considered virtues. When we fall
short of those ideals we label ourselves as failures. Likewise, we place an
excessive amount of pressure on others to conform to what we believe is right
and/or acceptable. We impose our beliefs, lifestyles, interests, work ethics,
etc. on our families, friends, coworkers, and others and when they do not
comply we become frustrated and angry.
While it is useful to have expectations in life, we must be
careful to make certain that they are in alignment with reality and are fair
and just to all concerned. If they are extraordinarily high or unreasonable, we
are inviting stress into our minds and bodies.
Solutions: Stress is not directly linked to the
pressures others impose on us but rather the burdens we place on ourselves.
Carefully re examine your perceptions of yourself, others, God, the situations
you are experiencing, and the world in general. Ask yourself: am I fair in the
way I view and label the above? Is my judgment of each negatively influenced by
false beliefs, past experiences or invalid information? If necessary, make the
proper adjustments.
Consider the following in regard to expectations: is it realistic
to expect that others comply with your demands or conform to your way of
living? Do you have a right to dictate to others what to think, feel, believe,
or how they should act? Is it reasonable to expect that what you are seeking in
an given situation would manifest in the time frame you've allotted, in the
exact manner in which you desire considering all those involved and considering
all other relevant factors?
If you want less
stress in your life, it is not always necessary to change your circumstances
(although that may certainly be a viable option). Sometimes, a simple shift in
perception (how we view things) or an adjustment in our expectations (being
more realistic and fair-minded) can make all the difference in the world.
Remember, if you can't change the world, change how you view it and how you interact
with it. You will be much more relaxed and peaceful, able to more fully enjoy
life in all its wonder and glory. And isn't that a worthy goal?
Order The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
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