I hate sarcasm. It's rude, hurtful, and offensive. Yet I
have met many people who insist that it is humorous. "Sarcasm can be
funny, " my friend John told me. "I beg to differ", I replied.
"There is nothing funny about saying something hurtful to another
person." "Yes, but...", he continued, "you can make fun of
them and as long as it's done in good taste it's not insulting." We
debated the issue for a few minutes and then put it to rest. Clearly, he was of
the mindset that there was nothing wrong with sarcasm.
However, there are distinct disparities between the two. Look
up both words in the dictionary: sarcasm comes from the Greek word
"sarcazmos", which literally means "to tear ones flesh".
That's a pretty violent description. Other terms used to define sarcasm are
"sharp, satirical utterances designed to cut or give pain; bitter, caustic
language directed against an
individual." Tear, cut, pain, bitter, caustic: are any of these words indicative
of humor?
The definition of humor, on the other hand, uses such terms
as "funny quality; elicits amusement and laughter; designed to make others
laugh, smile or chuckle." Quite a contrast, don't you agree?
Sarcasm is actually a form of passive/aggressive anger. It
is designed to hurt the intended party, to embarrass or humiliate them, to make
them feel uncomfortable. Covert and underhanded, it is used to disguise anger
and alleviate any responsibility should the other party take personal offense. "I
was just kidding! Everyone else laughed. You are just too sensitive."
Blame: an alternative for ownership of bad behavior.
Sarcasm reveals a lot about the person dishing it out.
People who are kind, sensitive, respectful, thoughtful, and confident do not
resort to such cowardly behavior. If they have something unflattering to say to
the other person they do so in a direct and polite manner. Calling your child a
nickname that they do not like and telling them they are too sensitive when
they get angry with you is passive/aggressive. Making a joke about your
husband's balding head, knowing he is sensitive about his receding hairline, is
hurtful. Calling your boss a "know-it-all"
("Well, how could you be wrong? You surely know everything there is to
know about running this company!") cannot be negated by a lame "I
meant that in the most flattering way possible."
Humor is truly lighthearted and careful not to offend the
other party. My husband and I use humor with each other all the time. We can
tease one another in a very playful
manner, designed to make them laugh (like the time I left a pot of boiling
water on the stove and forgot to add the rice, scorching and blistering my
favorite saucepan). He knows I am not the least bit sensitive or embarrassed by
my sheer stupidity and he has free reign to use it as an opportunity to make me
and any other family member laugh.
Humor can alleviate stress, diffuse anger, relieve sadness,
and bring people together. It releases endorphins, the feel-good chemical, in
the brain and actually boosts the body's natural immune system. There are never
any underlying or sinister intentions behind the action and there is no pain or
offense on the receiver's end. Webster uses words like funny, playful,
amusement, smile, and chuckle in defining true humor.
In discerning whether or not your teasing is actual humor or
sarcasm, check your motives and intent. Are you truly being playful or on some
level do you hope that the dig you are throwing at the other party hurts?
Motive and intent are key.
There is one exception to using humor that I must caution
you about: never ever use vitreous humor. It can be very dangerous and do some
serious damage. Oh wait - isn't that the gel that fills the space between the
lens and retina of the eye? Ok, never mind.
It's safe. (That's a little humor - did I make you laugh? No? Too little
wit, I'm guessing. So sue me. I'll take
it to the Court of A(banana)peels.) :-)
To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger or The
Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
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