We've all found ourselves in situations where we feel as
though we're caught between a rock and a hard place. Faced with making a
necessary decision, our choices are less than favorable and all options have
potentially serious consequences. Your best friend confides that she's having
an affair and begs you not to tell her
husband. But her husband is your brother-in-law. Your two best friends have a
falling out and each insists that you ally with them and break off all contact
with the other. The problem is you still care about each one. Two invitations
arrive in your mailbox requesting you attend major events on the same day: a
wedding for your neighbor whom you've known for fifteen years and the
christening of your niece's baby. Not wanting to offend either or risk your
relationship with them, you find
yourself caught in a no-win situation where somebody is going to end up being
upset with you.
Ideally, we'd like to be able to explain our quandary to
each party and have the support we need to make a fair decision. We'd like to
believe that each person cares enough about us to understand that our decision
may not align with the one they would prefer yet they would respect our
decision and that our relationship would remain intact. In some cases, we're
fortunate enough to have such loving people in our lives. Other times not so
much. People may become offended or irate. In some cases, they may resort to
threats, coercion, manipulation, temper tantrums or bribery in order to have us
comply with their demands.
This behavior is a clear indication of their own
insecurities, fears, selfishness, and personal issues. They need to control the
situation and those involved (you) based on an irrational fear that if they
allow others to freely make their own determination the concerned person will
not be OK with those choices. Perhaps others will think poorly of them, they
may have to face devastating consequences should the truth be told or they may be
viewed as less important than the other party should you favor one over the
other. In doing so, you run the risk of offending and possibly losing someone
you care about. Yet if you do not follow your heart and do what you believe is
right, then you live with shame and regret.
So, how does one handle a situation where all parties are
clearly not going to be happy with the outcome? Some feel you should do what is
best for you and not worry about anyone else. But you care. How can you turn
that off? And do you even want to? Here are some points to consider:
1. Take into consideration everyone's perspective, needs,
and requests. Eliminate any that are
unreasonable or ask you to go against what you believe to be just.
2. Identify whose needs are greater at that point in time.
3. Encourage all parties to do what is right. (This can present
a challenge since right is a
subjective term.)
4. Seek a resolution that has the most benefits for the majority
of people and the least amount of consequences for said parties.
5. Relinquish the need to satisfy anyone involved. While
it's important to care about each person you are not responsible for how they
interpret your actions or how they feel about them.
And most importantly, the one critical consideration we must
never concede to:
6. Always do what you believe is morally right. Never
compromise your values for anyone. You only have to answer to yourself and to
your Creator.
When you make morally right decisions, not everyone will
support you but you will have a sense of inner peace knowing that you did what
God expected of you. And nothing that happens after the fact matters as much.
To order a copy of "The Secret Side of Anger" or
"The Great Truth" visit
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html.
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/.
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