Years ago, there was a major campaign in schools teaching
children to tolerate the difference of others. It was an attempt to create a
more comfortable and conducive environment for children of all cultures and
ethnic backgrounds to coexist peacefully. I suppose some good came of it but
still kids had difficulty being forced to put up with others whom they did not
like, understand, or care to associate with. Even in the adult world we very
often feel we must tolerate the behaviors, attitudes, and differences of
others. We may have a boss who is demanding, a mother-in-law who meddles, a
spouse who has annoying habits. While we would much prefer to change them or
get away from them, we feel trapped in an unhappy relationship and for whatever
reason must learn to simply put up with what we don't like.
Some, as they evolve in life, become enlightened and
discover a better way to coexist: acceptance. It is a acquiescence to that
which we cannot alter. We even have a prayer (The Serenity Prayer) which
advocates accepting that which we cannot change. We try to find peace with a
situation or individual we are not happy with. We resign ourselves to not
complaining but simply letting it be. "It is what it is" becomes the
mantra for many.
While each of these approaches offers some relief to an
unpleasant circumstance I have an issue with both. Tolerating has an element of
suffering to it. We must put up with that which we are unhappy with. We feel
trapped and powerless. The very definition of tolerating lends itself to feeling
hopeless, resentful, bitter, and angry. While outwardly it appears to be a
viable solution, it can have troublesome consequences.
Moving on to acceptance - the choice to endure without
protest what we cannot change. Yet within acceptance lies the potential for sadness,
resentment, self-pity, loss, and anger. Striving to attain inner peace under
less than desirable conditions, we run the risk of repressed anger and
bitterness.
What, then, is the solution? Imagine reaching a state of heightened
enlightenment whereby you come to see everything and everyone who enters your
life, regardless of the differences or challenges they present, as a gift, a
blessing, a valuable part of your life's journey? What if you could actually
appreciate each difference rather than simply tolerate or accept them? The word
appreciate means "to grasp the value and significance of, to be grateful
for." How would the quality of your life improve if you embraced this
simply shift in perception and attitude?
In my own marriage (as in many) the differences between us
that initially attracted me to him became the very source of irritation after
we exchanged marriage vows. His spontaneity clashed with my scheduled
life-style. Putting up with his unpredictable behaviors left me frustrated and
annoyed. However, once I saw this as a quality to admire, as an opportunity for
me to learn to be less rigid and more flexible, to learn to love and admire him
for being a free spirit, for exposing me to a new way of being, I felt deep
appreciation for the gift he brought into our marriage.
In each of life's challenging circumstances, we have several
options. If there is something that I cannot, will not, or must not change, I
can choose whether or not I wallow in resentment and frustration or embrace it
as a blessing. Living in a state of
appreciation alleviates personal suffering, allows for individual growth, and
blesses my heart with joy. What an effortless way to live!
To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger or The
Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
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