Recently, I've been driving into NY City to do mediations
for a large clothing manufacture on Madison Ave. I used to teach classes at the
Learning Annex and some of my son's doctor's were in the city as well. However,
it's been awhile and as incomprehensible as it may sound, NY has become even
more congested than I remember. Along with additional vehicles, bikers,
pedestrians, city workers and delivery trucks comes added frustration, impatience,
anger, and rage. Whether in the heart of Manhattan, one of its suburbs, or major
highways or bridges, our roadways have become even more dangerous to traverse
than in prior years. Along with excessive speed and distracted drivers,
aggressive driving has become the norm. We have all witnessed or personally
experienced road rage and some have even engaged in it. Regardless of your
level of involvement, road rage poses a serious threat to everyone and has
proven to be deadly as well.
Stats: According
to AutoAdvantage.com the cities with the most number of aggressive drivers are
Miami, NY City, Boston, Los Angeles, and Washington, DC. Statistically young
men are the most prone to road rage. A whopping 56% of men surveyed said they
feel more rage on a daily basis verses only 44% of women and are more likely to
act it out. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration,
94% of all accidents are caused by driver error and of those accidents, 33% are
linked to behaviors assigned to road rage. In the1990's AAA found that
aggressive driving was linked to 218 deaths and shockingly that number has been
rising by 7% each year. Half of all drivers subjected to another driver's anger
admitted to retaliating. Tragically, injury or death can occur even after the
incident on the road is over. Drivers have been known to continue their anger
even after the initial incident has concluded.
Triggers:
the most frequent triggers of anger behind the wheel are being cut off, driving
slow in the left lane, tailgating, flashing lights, rude gestures, stop and go
traffic, failure to signal, careless/reckless driving such as speeding, weaving
or frequent land changes, and excessive use of horn.
Be aware that if these incidences trigger anger in you, they
will do the same to others drivers should you engage in them. Remember to be
courteous to others as you would want them to be to you.
Causes: As
with all anger or rage (intense anger), there are many triggers but only three
root causes: hurt, fear, or frustration. Many who become enraged feel
disrespected by those who engage in rude driving. This is actually an
indication of being hurt. To disrespect means to devalue - one feels as though
they are less important (in the eyes of the offender) than others are. Very often they feel targeted and personalize
the other driver's bad judgment. Keep in mind that their behaviors have nothing
to do with you - behaviors are an expression of who the individual is and what
their agenda is. Taking personal offense is the number one mistake people make
that can convert any innocent incident into a more serious one.
Fear is another root cause of road rage: those drivers who
cut us off or tailgate put us at risk for an accident and/or injury. Also, adults
expect that those driving are mature and intelligent enough to know the rules
of the road and obey them. When that is not forthcoming, people become
frustrated that others haven't or won't learn responsible driving, are not
capable, or that the system allows incompetent people to operate a motor vehicle.
Remember, too, that all emotions (anger and rage included)
are not determined by the actual event but by how we choose to experience it
(perception); what we say to ourselves about the situation; our thought process
or internal voice. T~E~C~O Magic*: Thoughts,
Emotion, Choice, Outcome.
We choose our Thoughts which
are the predecessors of our feelings or Emotions.
Therefore, we choose how we feel about any given situation. Every Choice we make is determined by
our Emotions: we act out what we feel. And every action (Choice) creates an Outcome or consequence.
Therefore, in order to remain calm behind the wheel, one must continually
monitor and choose their Thoughts.
If someone is riding my bumper, I can say to myself, "This guy's a
jerk!" and instantly trigger rage. My rage then compels me to slow down my
car to agitate him at which point he swerves to get around me, putting others
and myself in jeopardy.
Or, I can say to myself, "Maybe he's late for work and
doesn't want to lose his job." In this instance, I'll feel understanding
and my reaction will be a compassionate one: I'll move over to let him pass.
Same incident but two drastically different outcomes, all determined by one thing
only: my inner dialogue, or Thought
process.
Tips if you're the
driver: ~Monitor your thoughts at all times. Remember that
positive dialogue creates positive feelings such as understanding, calm,
patience, etc. ~Before you react, ask yourself, "If I say/do _____, then
_____ may happen. Is that smart, safe, logical, productive? Can I, as well as
those I impact, live with the consequences of my actions for the remainder of
their lives?" If the answer is uncertain or no, then refrain from
proceeding. ~Choose an affirmative alternative. ~Change your perception
(thoughts) about the other driver and/or the situation. ~Don't personalize
their behaviors. Remember, it's never about you. Your actions are about you;
theirs are about them. ~Always assume the best; give them the benefit of the
doubt. "Maybe they didn't see me when they cut in front of me." ~Choose
compassion, understanding, patience and forgiveness over rage. Ask yourself,
"How many times have I been guilty of this same offense?" ~Always be
courteous. ~Express gratitude "Thank God I was paying attention and didn't
hit him when he suddenly slammed on his brakes." ~Avoid routes that
trigger anger, such as high volume traffic, construction, etc. ~Practice deep
breathing and/or sipping water while driving to maintain a sense of calm. ~Listen
to motivational tapes or soothing music. ~Put post-it notes on your dashboard
to serve as reminders to be a safe driver. ~View every driver, even those who
are careless, as your mother, father, brother, sister, child or someone you
deeply care about. You'll be less inclined to disregard their safety.
Tips if you are
the target: ~Don't engage. ~Don't make eye contact. ~Monitor your inner
voice reminding yourself to keep calm and act responsibly. ~Remember your first
priority is to keep yourself and your passengers safe (safety first). ~Remain
focused on the road and driving safely. ~Take slow deep breaths. ~Recite a
mantra or positive statement for focus. ~Do not return rude gestures. ~Do not
stop your car, follow them, or cut them off. ~Do not roll down your window. ~Do
not drive to or in a deserted area. ~Seek immediate help - dial 911 or drive to
a well-lit/well-populated area, stay in your car and honk your horn to draw
attention to yourself ~Drive to a police
station or hospital for protection. ~Avoid! Avoid! Avoid! Immediately remove
yourself from any potentially dangerous situation. Give angry drivers plenty of
room. Let them pass if they want to. If someone cuts you off, slow down and let
them. Do not speed up or obstruct their attempts. Never ever challenge them in
any way shape or form. It could prove deadly.
R/D/C Method:
Refuse, Diffuse, Choose
Refuse (to
initiate or engage in dangerous driving); Diffuse
(stop a bad situation from escalating using calming, responsible thoughts and actions);
Choose safety over everything
else. Make it your sole priority.
Final thoughts:
Always choose safety first. Leave you ego locked in the trunk. This is neither
the time nor place to become arrogant and self-righteous. As a responsible driver,
we are all called upon to engage in safe, lawful driving habits, obey all laws,
and extend courtesy to all those we encounter. It very well could be the deciding factor
between life or death.
Remember: one bad choice can change your life forever! Smart actions
save lives. DRIVE TO STAY ALIVE!
* TECO Magic, chapter 4 in The Secret Side of Anger
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