We are living in a very volatile and dangerous age. Not only
have issues of domestic violence, child and animal abuse, anger in the
workplace and so on been more apparent, but we are definitely witnessing a rise
of violence within our communities. Gangs and individual assaults seem to be
taking a back seat to protests by militant groups claiming to seek justice but
who in actuality are promoting and engaging in acts of violence themselves.
What could be a peaceful gathering intent on seeking a reasonable solution to a
problem escalates to one of violence and often bloodshed. Angry and passionate
individuals determined to right an injustice only create further mayhem by
advocating and engaging in the very acts they condemn.
But is it possible for large masses of angry individuals to
successfully , reasonable, and peacefully find solutions to perceived issues of
extreme injustice? Yes, if both sides follow these ten recommended tips:
1. Approach other party(s) in a non hostile non aggressive
way. By taking a non threatening approach the other party feels relatively
confident that they are not at risk physically or otherwise and therefore the
need for a defensive response is unnecessary.
2. Be open minded and fair in the way you present your
grievances. Refrain from using such phrases as "you always", "we
never" "it can't". In each case, one assumes a scenario that is
not necessarily true, appears extreme and unrealistic, and creates a mindset of
preconceived defeat.
3. Be respectful in the way you speak to and treat one
another. Passion need not translate into disrespectful or degrading conduct
towards the disagreeing party. Always be mindful that the amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct
proportion to the amount of respect you afford them. So be generous.
4. Deal with facts,
not simply feelings. Too often we rant about how angry or hurt or offended we
are. Dealing with facts enables us to more accurately see the true nature of
the incident. Adding feelings to the dialogue lends a deeper level of
understanding as to how the incident is impacting both sides.
5. Keep everything in the proper perspective. Exaggerating
may add an element of drama but is only effective on stage. Deal with the
serious issues and leave those of lesser importance for another time.
6. Remove any extraneous issues; stick to the original
topic. When discussing a serious issue, refrain from going off on tangents.
It's easy to become distracted by related issues but only takes precious
resources away from the primary one.
7. Refrain from any inflammatory or accusatory statements.
Quickly diffuse any that may occur. Accusations, blame, assumptions, and
exaggerations can all incite. There are those who will deliberately try to
provoke the other into losing control. Be aware of the intent and nature of
every comment and quickly diffuse anything that can escalate to something more
serious. Don't ever take the bait.
8. Listen objectively with the intent to understand the
other person, to gain deeper insight into the nature of the conflict, and to
extract any possible solutions or partial solutions offered by the other party.
9. Be willing to compromise, recognizing that each side
believes their position is valid and correct.
10. Show appreciation for the time and effort the other side
has put forth. A little appreciation goes a long way and can enable both sides
to reach a peaceful resolution more efficiently and quickly.
With true concern for the well-being of each other and a
sincere desire to resolve the issue peacefully, anyone can find a reasonable
solution to any challenge by following the above Ten Tips. It can be
challenging but with practice and determination and a sincere regard for
justice, one can realize the path to coexisting harmoniously with others. And
we certainly are all deserving of that.
Let me reiterate:
"The amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct
proportion to the amount of respect you afford them." Be generous.
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