Part 2
Continuing from where we left off last week, remember that
there is a time to speak and a time to keep our mouths shut. Here are more
examples of when it's best to remain silent:
13. If your words will destroy a relationship, either yours
or someone else's. At times, we've all wanted to tell people what we really
think about them. In the heat of anger, true feelings are often revealed
without thought as to how they will affect either or both parties. Criticisms,
complaints, bitterness, jealousy, judgments, and hatred can all destroy
relationships. A moment of contemplation before speaking can prevent a
landslide of devastation. Even those unkind words we say to ourselves can cause
irreparable damage to our self-esteem. Make certain your words always emanate
from a place of kindness.
14. When you are tempted to criticize. Constructive
criticism is an oxymoron. It does not exist. It is a ploy that disguises a
hurtful comment as helpful one. The one criticizing gains a sense of power over
the other person, eliciting feels of shame, hurt, remorse, or self-loathing
from them. Criticism in its authentic form is demoralizing and cruel. Keep in
mind, too, that one must first live in a spotless house before condemning
another's. I recommend offering constructive suggestions to bring forth positive change.
15. If you can't speak without yelling. Humans somehow
believe that in order to gain someone's attention or cooperation they must
raise their voices to an extreme decibel level. "The louder I speak the
more they'll hear me." Like the sound of loud construction equipment,
people at excessively loud noises and take measures to protect their ears from
damage. People either tune out shouting or, like me, physically remove
themselves from the source. Take a deep breath before speaking and keep the volume
at a reasonable level.
16. When it's time to listen. Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord GOD has given Me
the tongue of disciples, That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a
word He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to listen as a
disciple." We are commanded to
listen to and obey the Word of God. Keep in mind
that God created two ears and only one mouth - for a reason! We are meant to
listen twice as much as we speak. But listening involves more than just the
ears: we must also be willing to listen with our hearts so that we may feel
what the other is saying.
17. If you may have to offer an apology afterwards.
Carpenters have a rule of thumb: measure twice, cut once. There is much wisdom
in this ethic as one wastes less time and material by taking careful measures
to make an accurate cut the first time. We would be wise to apply this
knowledge to our words as well: think twice, speak once. Too often, we are
careless in our choice of words and in retrospect realize they were not the
best choice. In these cases, it becomes necessary to offer an apology for any
insensitive comments we made. As powerful as an expression of remorse it, it
cannot undo the damage our words causes. Like a board that was incorrectly cut,
the carpenter can glue it back together but the blemish remains forever.
18. If you have already said it more than once. I have learned that people will either hear you
or not. They will chose to understand you or not. Regardless of how often you
repeat yourself, some people are simply not interested in what you have to say
or they may not be capable of understanding it. You may offer a bit of clarity
if the other person is unclear on what you meant. But to keep repeating the
same thing over and over is called nagging. People turn a deaf ear to
badgering.
19. When you are tempted to support, agree with, encourage,
or condone a person's bad behaviors. Would you ever advise your children to use
drugs or drink and drive? Of course not. Any good parents would always
encourage their children to make smart choices. Those who are believers in God
teach them to live a morally righteous life, to follow God's Commandments, to
always be kind and honest. How, then can I support or condone immoral behavior
from others? To tell my coworker to get even with a colleague who betrayed them
is reprehensible on my part. To hope a criminal gets the death penalty for the
heinous crime they committed violates Divine Law. Unless I can be the voice of
reason, the bearer of virtuous behavior, I need to remain silent rather than
give morally wrong advice. Ephesians 4:29 " Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your
mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their
needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
20. When you are supposed to be working instead. There's an interesting passage in the Bible in Proverbs 14:23 "All hard work brings a profit but mere talk leads only to poverty." I have always had difficulty talking and working at the same time. I am unable to put my full concentration on the task at hand. In that regard, I would often make careless errors or costly mistakes. One needs to put their full mental concentration on the task before them in order to put forth their best work. Idle chatter is distracting and counter-productive.
21. When you're fighting a losing battle. When disputes
arise, we often feel compelled to continue to try and convince the other party
that we're right and they're wrong. Unless we are dealing with facts, Truth, or
issues of morality, differences are not necessarily an indication of being
right or wrong. They are simply disagreements, each party seeing things from a
different perspective. If you find yourself trying to prove your
"rightness", let it go. This type of behavior is all ego based: one
needs to prove themselves superior over another.
22. When what you are about to say will only make matters
worse. If someone has made an error or is feeling poorly about themselves, we
have the option of being a light in the darkness for them, helping them to see
the goodness in who they are, or contributing to their already low self-image.
If your son doesn't make the football team because he's overweight and out of
shape, offer some assistance in helping him to improve so he can try again next
year or try out for a sport more suitable for him. Make
certain that your words are always encouraging and uplifting.
Proverbs 21:23: "Whosoever
keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from trouble."
23. When you talk just to fill up the silence or to hear
yourself talk. People are often uncomfortable in the silence. They feel
compelled to offer a distraction by filling the space with words. However, as
an idle mind is the devil's workshop, idle chatter can be just as dangerous.
Rambling can lead to all sorts of foolish statements, irreverent comments,
offensive observations, rude humor, and so on. Additionally, when we are busy
chattering we are not listening - to the other party or to God. Silence truly
is golden for it is in the stillness that one hears the Word of God.
Ecclesiastes
5:2 "Do not be quick
with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven and you are on earth, o let your words be few."
Conversation is highly overrated. There is both intelligence
and beauty in silence. Listen to the stillness. Know when it's best not to say
anything at all.
Q:
"Life isn't a competition. It's a cooperation. Until we are willing to
stop fighting to prove our superiority and gain dominance over others and join
together to uplift one another, we will never establish world peace."
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