No, I'm not speaking about that "F" word. I'm going
to address two different words beginning with the letter "f" and how
they influence the decisions we make, our responses in any given situation, and
how the outcome adds to or subtracts from our happiness and/or contributes to
our anger. Those two words are "feelings" and "facts". Let me explain.
We typically make decisions in life based on how we're
feeling* in regard to a person or set of circumstances. The other option we
utilize are making fact-based choices. Here's an example: I'm offered an
exciting new job with a start-up company. I'll be given a beautiful office, an
impressive title, and a substantial increase in salary. I'm super excited and
jump on the opportunity. Two months later, I'm unhappy and having second
thoughts. "It's not exactly what I had wanted to do and the hours are very
long." Although the person hiring me fully explained all of this prior to
my acceptance, I was excited and hopeful and made a "feelings-based"
decision rather than one based on actual facts. Allowing my feelings to
override the reality of what the job entailed, I now find myself angry in my
new set of circumstances.
Here's another example: statistics prove that skateboarding
leads to thousands of accidents a year, but feeling confident that I'm still
young enough to master this adolescent sport, I set forth to prove my agility
and bravery. However, I soon find myself livid and remorseful as I hobble into the
emergency room an hour later with a broken ankle. And to make matters worse, I
now have to cancel my skiing trip to Aspen.
Feelings are a critical component in any decision-making
process. However, it is imperative to consider all of the facts involved as
well. We needn't make choices based merely on one or the other. By considering
both aspects - the facts as well as the emotions - we are more likely to make sound
decisions that are valid for years to come.
Facts can also influence feelings if we allow them to. In
the case of this year's presidential election, many people have already chosen
the candidate they are going to vote for. Negative issues about their candidate
do not persuade them to reconsider their choice. By either ignoring or excusing
factual based information, they are able to maintain their enthusiasm and
support of said individual. However, one's denial does not change truth nor
influence it in any way and eventually actuality emerges victorious. At some point, those who choose a candidate
purely based on their emotional connection to them may eventually realize
disillusionment as the consequences of such a decision concerning their
candidate's suspicious history, lack of trustworthiness, abhorrent actions, and
so forth become a reality.
However, we can use facts to change how we feel. For
example: you meet the man/woman of your dreams. Feelings between you are
intense but red flags regarding their history of cheating, abuse, drunk
driving, or such give you pause to rethink your choice to continue seeing them.
Since one's feelings are determined by their thoughts, what we say to ourselves
about said truths ultimately determine how we feel. And feelings are the
catalyst behind every choice we make. Through careful examination of the truths
surrounding them, one can learn to be more objective in their assessment. When
you change your internal dialogue - your thoughts - you ultimately determine
how you feel. You can persuade yourself to consider your safety and the
long-term impact this relationship could have on you. A change of heart directs
you to end the relationship thus securing feelings of confidence and comfort that
you make the right choice, which in turn thwarts off feelings of anger and any
future remorse.
In certain circumstances it's imperative to make decisions
based on a rational thought process rather than one's emotion. Choices that do
not produce the end result we are seeking ultimately lead us to become
frustrated, disappointed, hopeless, embarrassed or angry. To avoid making
regrettable decisions, rely more heavily on actual concrete proof than pure
emotion. The end result will be one that is satisfying, beneficial, and long-lasting.
For the really critical decisions in life, it might be best to rely on facts
because feelings can easily confuse us by clouding our rational thought process.
Other times it could be the exact opposite. There is no hard-and-fast rule so
use your best judgment. But never ever ignore the facts. They are your truth.
When making decisions in life, choose wisely. Once made,
they can have long-term and far-reaching consequences not initially apparent.
And every choice you make impacts not only yourself but the lives of those
around you. Therefore, take great care in doing so.
*See T~E~C~O Magic in The Secret Side of Anger
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