Have you been upset about an issue that seems to make no
sense and asked yourself, "Why did
I get so angry over something that was relatively minor?" Oftentimes, our
response is triggered not by the present issue but from an alternative source.
Odd as it may seem, the past and future can hold the keys to why we are angry.
It is the discovery of these secrets that can enable us to live an anger-free
life. Let's take a look at each one:
The Past:
Many people don't realize how much their past influences
their present. A child who lost a parent can experience abandonment and hold on
to that fear well into adulthood. Anger when a loved one threatens to leave or
a simple disagreement between friends can trigger the anxiety of being alone.
One becomes angry with their family member over an insignificant issue rather
than addressing the root cause beneath the obvious incident. One who was
bullied become distrusting of those who are critical and demanding. Feelings of
helplessness and powerlessness (the very definition of anger) overpower the now
adult who responds with an aggressive or hostile gesture or statement. Even a
well intentioned request from a neutral party can conjure up unpleasant
memories from times past.
Memories live deep
within our inner conscious minds and can resurface without warning or apparent
logic, causing unexpected or inappropriate reactions.
It is critical to identify those issues from our past that
are causing distress in our current lives and heal them. Redefine them; re
imagine or replace old painful memories that no longer serve you well with more
positive ones that do. Ex: forgive the bully who made fun of you in front of
the entire 7th grade class. See him not as a hateful child but one who was
immature or troubled. Allow your memories to bring you peace rather than
discomfort. Heal your past and live anger free.
The Future: It's
sometimes hard to feel hopeful in today's world. Economic distress, terrorism,
immorality, dissension - for many the future looks bleak. The young who have no
distinct plans for their future, the middle aged who do not see themselves in a
better place five or ten years down the road, those who believe the best is
over and that it's "all downhill from here" fill their minds with
anxiety (fear, an underlying cause of anger) and hopelessness. Older adults who
fear not being able to retire and sustain a reasonable lifestyle, or who are
concerned about physical maladies and limitations live with dread brought about
by the unfairness of life. Projecting into the future negatively will only
foster negative feelings as well. However, those who look to the future with
hope and enthusiasm, who eagerly plan new adventures and experiences thwart off
any potential anger and instead feel excitement and hope for what is yet to
come.
Like a blank page in a
book, the future is yet to be written and you are the author of your life.
Write something wonderful!
Create your future and live anger free.
The Present: Someone
once said that if you're resentful (old anger) it's because you're living
in the past; if you're worried or anxious you are projecting into the future.
We are encouraged to be mindful of where we are in the present moment for it is
truly all we have. All I need concern myself with is exactly what is occurring
at this very moment.
Imagine being in Hawaii on vacation. However, rather than
enjoy your snorkeling adventure surrounded by brightly colored aquatic life,
you are thinking about the three feet of snow and bitter cold temps you left
behind in Colorado. Can you fully embrace your once-in-a-lifetime experience?
Of course not. Physically you may be in a tropical paradise but mentally you
are buried under a blanket of frozen white precipitation.
It is only when I am
fully present to the present (moment, that is) that I can give it my full
attention, take control over its happenings and savor every moment.
Embrace and empower the present and live anger free.
Always remember that anger is a choice. All emotions
originate in the mind with a single thought. Focus on what is good and beautiful
and wonderful and these thoughts will block out any anger, allowing you to
fully savor all that life has to offer.
Order The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
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