Your
anger can actually benefit me. That sounds a bit ludicrous, wouldn't you agree?
Anger hurts the one experiencing it but how can it possibly work to my
advantage? If you become angry with me, I might feel upset, disrespected,
scared, or angry in return. On a deeper level those emotions can prove to be
insightful and so to that extent yes, I can benefit. But is there something more
that can be gained by witnessing or being the target of another person's ire?
1. Loss
of Control:
We
make decision in one of two ways: either emotionally or intellectually.
Emotions cloud rational judgment. When we become angry, we don't necessarily
think things through clearly and sometimes say or do things that could potentially
be counterproductive. Intellect allows us to rationally collect data, process
it, and draw a logical conclusion. Much like medical personnel in a hospital,
one must keep a clear head in order to effectively address the task at hand. To
become emotional could prove catastrophic. Regarding anger: when the other
party becomes highly emotional, I can more easily gain control over the
situation simply by displaying composure and a clear mind. To those observing
us, I appear to be more mature and coherent thereby garnering their respect and
giving me greater authority. Should their anger become physical, legally I
again have the upper hand as well and may chose to press charges.
One
who is highly emotional is also more easily manipulated. Fear of not being
heard or getting their way can easily result in their talking over the other
party and/or not paying attention to the actions being taken and decisions
being made until long after they have calmed down. By not listening to,
understanding, or taking part in the decision-making process they relinquished
their power and are at the mercy of the other party. Anger negates logic giving
those who maintain their composure the upper hand. When you lose control I can easily capture it.
2.
Anger and the Innocent:
The
way in which you express your anger can
reflect poorly on you. If you are bashing me, gossiping behind my back, making
false accusations, criticizing, embarrassing, or humiliating me in front of
others, there is a high probability that others will leap to my defense. I
could easily be perceived as an innocent victim (regardless of any preceding
circumstances or inappropriate behaviors on my part) evoking compassion or
sympathy from others while relegating you to the unfavorable position of bully.
I need only to sit quietly and maintain my image of innocence while allowing
you to ruin your own reputation.
2. Anger,
Self-esteem, and Health:
Frustration
(aka stress) is an underlying root cause of anger and a leading cause of health
issues. Knowing that her husband has high blood pressure and is considered high
risk for a heart attack, Karen broaches a highly controversial issue
(remodeling the kitchen), knowing full well that when her husband becomes angry
and upset, all she need do is remind him that should he become overly stressed
he could easily suffer a heart attack. Therefore, it would be in his best
interest if he simply conceded to her demands.
How
easy is it to manipulate someone into being submissive using such statements as
"You're out of control; there's something wrong with you; no one is taking
you seriously; if anyone sees you acting like that they're going to think
you're crazy." For one with a poor self-image, their anger can be their
downfall, enabling the other person to manipulate them into full compliance.
Add to that any potential health issues and the one at risk may easily back
down.
3. Anger - Purveyor
of Truth
People often say things when they're angry that they would
not normally say under agreeable conditions. They may reveal how they really
feel about you or inform you as to what others are saying about you. As hurtful
as this can be, it can be a blessing in disguise for it enables the receiving
party to more deeply understand the nature of their relationship as well as
give them some possible insights into themselves that they may not otherwise be
aware of. This affords them the opportunity to work at improving their
relationship with the other party and/or correct any (possible) unflattering
behaviors.
4. Covert Anger
Not all anger is obvious. Sometimes it presents itself under
the guise of sarcasm, rejection, constructive
criticism, silence and more. Repressed anger may reveal a dormant issue
between both parties now coming to the forefront for discussion. Or perhaps the
issue lies strictly within you, thus providing a window of opportunity with
which to acknowledge, express, and potentially resolve it. Covert anger invites the
individual to become acutely aware of passive or passive/aggressive anger
within themselves or the party. In either case, one can now address the
behavior and underlying issue, get it resolved, or if necessary set clear and firm boundaries.
Anger
is one of the most powerful of all human emotions. If you choose to entertain
it into your heart, at the very least, be your own beneficiary of your ire. Use
it to motivate you to make positive changes that benefit you as well as those
around you. In that way, your anger can be a gift to all who are present. And that's
exactly what it's meant to do.
Order The
Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
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