I'm a very polite person. I was taught to always say
"please" and "thank you" when I was a child, a practice
that has continued throughout my adult life. However, I never realized the
latter phrase could be used as a means of eliminating anger. You might think it
an odd concept but let me explain. There are three areas where this applies:
1. People, Places, and Things: Life is not without
it's challenging circumstances, injustices, heartaches, and losses. Many
individuals try to navigate their way through these situations as quickly as
possible to promptly re establish the status quo where they feel safe and
comfortable. Others recognize that challenges make us better people and so they endure them believing that what
doesn't kill you makes you stronger. In a tough situation, regardless of the
nature of the difficulty, shift your focus from the perceived problem to the
value this experience is offering you (a grateful "Thank you,
Situation"). This enables one to replace anger with appreciation.
While one may be able to thank a difficult circumstance for
providing an opportunity for personal growth, dealing with an obnoxious person may
prove a more arduous task. We seem to have far less tolerance for people than
events. It is easy to become angry, defensive, bitter, or resentful when
intolerable people disrupt our lives. Trying to work through our anger can be
time consuming and exhausting. But what if a simple "thank you" could
instantly erase all of the above? A cheating spouse can open our hearts to
forgiveness; a coworker who undermines our efforts can teach us to assert
ourselves; an egotistical coach whose only goal is to win at all costs can
inadvertently illustrate that values and fair sportsmanship are truly the signs
of a winner. Thank the really annoying people in your life for they are your
greatest teachers.
2. Thanks a Whole Bunch: On rare occasion, I find
myself not feeling particularly fond of my husband, more so in the past than of
late. Long ago, I devised a mental exercise to relive the moment we first met.
We were both at a single's dance and as the close of the evening approached, I
summoned my courage, walked over to where he was standing, and engaged in a
brief conversation with him. As I left, I thought to myself, That was the sweetest man I've ever met!(First
impressions really do matter - in this case they proved to be totally
accurate.) However, at times I'd lose sight of who my husband really is and
selfishly judge him by an issue he might be struggling with at that moment.
This brief exercise instantly restores my feelings of love and appreciation for
him. But, I've expanded on this practice. Now, I verbally express gratitude
towards him for something he's done or simply for who he is. By saying "thank
you for changing the oil in my car last week, or for always allowing me to be
who I am without criticism or complaint" immediately alleviates any anger
or hostility consuming me and reinstates feelings of love and appreciation in
my heart.
I recommend extending
this exercise to others as well: if you are in a bad mood, find someone -
anyone - to thank, for any reason what-so-ever. Call your sister on the phone and thank her for
not only being your sibling but your best friend as well. At work, find a
coworker or customer and thank them for any small favor. Gratitude is proven to
restore our sense of overall well-being and joy. And you cannot be angry and
joyful simultaneously.
3. No Thanks: As a child, I was also taught that when
asked if I wanted something which I did not, the courteous way to reply was by
saying, "No thank you". Although considered a polite way to decline,
can that phrase also alleviate anger? Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed and
resentful of the amount of demands others are placing on me. I am the go-to
person for anyone that needs physical assistance, a shoulder to cry on,
financial help, and so forth. In addition to running my own business (which
consists of fifteen hour work days), taking care of a home, a husband, our extended
family of seven children and thirteen grandchildren, five rescued dogs, and my
90-year old mom there is no time left for me and no one who offers assistance
when I need help. Learning to politely say "No thank you" to something
I simply cannot or do not want to do for others prevents anger from
manifesting. An act of self-love and respect for my own well-being protects me
from being taken advantage of and overworked. In this way, I retain my sanity,
can judiciously choose how I allocate my time, and extract more enjoyment from
my life.
Apparently being polite and offering a sincere "thank
you" if far more beneficial than simply showing respect and being
courteous of others. Seems this simple childhood phrase also has the power to
heal our anger. And you don't need a Rx for this one.
Order The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
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