Conversations can be risky at times. The more sensitive the
topic, the more delicately we need to approach it while maintaining a truthful
and honest demeanor . The subtle balance between being blunt and abrasive or
being effectual is one that many are not equipped to navigate.
In my more than twenty years as a corporate trainer, one of
the most consistent concerns I've encountered is regarding people's ability to
effectively communicate with one another. It's a skill few are taught as young
children but one that is critically essential in all relationships. Our choice of words, intonation, body language, and
subliminal messages all contribute to the success or failure of our
conversations. The more sensitive the
topic the greater the challenge becomes. Informing my boss that I'm leaving the
company may be a bit uncomfortable but feasible. However, if the boss is my
grandfather who has employed our family for generations in the business, the
exchange may be much more complex. Talking to my best friend about her drinking
problem or confronting my neighbor about their loud late-night parties can all
challenge my conversational capabilities. However, there are things we can do
to ease the process of delicate dialogues and ensure greater success:
First, keep in mind that it is imperative to present your
position in a non-threatening manner. The moment one's defenses rise the
conversation ceases to be productive.
Second, remember that the objective of such dialogue is not
to prove the other party wrong or incompetent. It is an opportunity for both
sides to share opposing points of view or facts with the intention of learning
and growing. This must be done in such a way as to enable the other party to see
things from a new perspective or perhaps something they may have inadvertently
overlooked even if they continue to hold fast to their position.
Third, remain sensitive and thoughtful to the other person's
feelings, needs, opinions, beliefs, etc. Listen carefully for what to say/not
say. How the other party reacts and responds to your choice of words, suggestions,
and insights will enable you to decide what direction to take. Active listening
enables you to better choose whether to reply (and how) or to remain silent.
Fourth, always validate the individual's position and
feelings, whether or not you understand
or agree with them. Simply acknowledge that theirs are as legitimate as yours.
A little sensitivity goes a long way.
Fifth, don't lecture. Instead, ask thought-provoking
questions which enable them to find solutions of their own volition.
Sixth, above all, create an environment of safety for the
other party, one where acceptance and compassion reign; one in which they feel
comfortable enough to speak freely and truthfully without fear of reprisal. In
this way, both parties will have the opportunity to freely and honestly express
themselves while maintaining the integrity of their relationship with one
another as well as their own dignity.
While both parties may continue to hold fast to their
beliefs, a prolific dialogue enables each to grow with new awareness and
expanded their limited way of thinking to embrace new ideas and concepts.
And in doing so, are given the opportunity to develop a new
found respect for one another. And that alone is worth the effort.
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