Families: they can be our greatest source of joy or a never
ending cause of stress. Some might like to have a few parts replaced, others
may prefer to trade theirs in for a more suitable model. Some are grateful to
have a family regardless while others would prefer to travel through life solo.
If you're a member of a family, then you
know how challenging it can be to deal with the wide scope of personalities,
quirky behaviors, opposing viewpoints, different needs, beliefs, and values,
along with varying methods of how
members doing things. Being unskilled at
even the most basic aspects of resolving conflicts, as most of us are, can
result in minor differences escalating
our stress levels and causing tempers to flare.
Below are some simple suggestions on how to fix family
feuds. However, before engaging in the process, ask yourself the following
questions: What has my role in this situation been? How have I contributed to
the breakdown of our family unit? Is it my attitude, actions, words, or lack
thereof? On every level, we are either part of the problem or part of the
solution. I must first take inventory of my nonconstructive contributions before
I can expect to achieve any degree of success with other members.
Assuming I
have successfully completely this task and corrected any transgressions , I can now proceed using the following strategies:
1. As respectfully as possible (it is always possible), clearly and succinctly identify the area that
needs attention.
2. Remove all distractions such as all technology, small
children or any projects you may be working on. This enables all parties to be
fully engaged with one another.
3. Allow each party ample time to state what is on their mind
without interruption. In this way, each individual will relax knowing they will
have adequate time to express their thoughts and concerns.
4. Validate their perspective. Consider their feelings,
needs, desires, and such as valid, even if you vehemently disagree with them.
Listen with your heart, not simply your ears. It's called compassion.
5. Ask questions to gain deeper insight into what they are
saying.
6. Avoid criticizing or making fun of them. Be respectful at
all times.
7. Avoid blame or accusations. Both are destructive and will
sabotage any progress from occurring.
8. Inquire as to what they need from you for this issue to
be resolved. Listen open mindedly and non-defensively. Discuss whether or not
you will be able to accommodate their needs. Make any necessary adjustments.
9. State your position, needs, feelings, wants, etc. Express
what you need from them in order to put this issue to rest. Make certain your
requests are fair and reasonable.
10. Compromise. A "winner takes all" mentality is
not a solution. All parties must feel satisfied in some way in order for the
issue to truly be resolved once and for all. Thank them for taking the time to
work through this issue.
Families will always disagree on things but our differences needn't
escalate to family feuds. Each member plays a vital role in the wholeness and
integrity of the unit. When we learn to embrace the uniqueness and giftedness
of each individual, we can utilize those qualities to strengthen and enrich the
whole. And we can finally live in harmony with and enjoy our families, free
from fighting.
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