When I was
fourteen, my godparents gave birth to a baby boy after twenty years of
marriage. The most joyful day of their lives was shattered by the devastating news
that their son had Down's Syndrome. Fifty years ago Downs was a death sentence
and Robert was no exception. Three weeks later they buried their only child. I
was deeply impacted by the response from my aunt, a woman of deep faith, when
questioned about their loss. "I am so grateful that I had the opportunity
to experience being pregnant and bringing a child into this world." Years
later, when I became a mother myself, I found it difficult to fully comprehend
her positive attitude. Losing a child is every mother's worst nightmare,
I thought to myself. I would die if that happened to me. Little
did I realize what the years ahead held in store for me.
Every day, humans
face indescribable heartbreak: children being abducted, raped or murdered.
Soldiers, having witnessed the unspeakable horrors of combat, return home with bodies
that no longer function at full capacity. Six years of a declining economy have
left families facing financial ruin. Yet amidst all of the misfortune,
injustice, and loss there are those who miraculously find a way to maintain a
joyful spirit.
Why is it that some
who face insurmountable hardships sustain hope and joy while others drown in
bitterness and anger? There are ten behaviors common to survivors and "thrivers"
that you can embrace as well:
1. Don't dwell on the
past. Know that it is a learning tool to further advance you in your life
process.
2. Understand that
there is a higher purpose to suffering. Just as a pregnant woman experiences
intense labor pains in order to bring new life into this world, so too must we
sometimes suffer in order to create life extraordinaire.
3. Acknowledge and
process your anger, fear, remorse, etc. to prevent it from turning into
bitterness and resentment.
4. Reject feelings
of self-pity and victimization. They serve no valuable purpose and, like
quicksand, will only pull you further down, ultimately leading to your demise.
5. Remain positive:
remember that every pile of manure was created by a pony. Seek and find the gifts
that are await you.
6. Look for ways to
use your new-found knowledge and situation to help others. Never miss an
opportunity to make the world a better place.
7. Focus on gratitude; search for and
acknowledge the blessings that still remain in your life.
8. Remember: you
are far more resilient than you realize. Reflect on all of the challenges
you've overcome thus far and build on those strengths and attributes to pull
you through yet another life surprise.
9. Use others as a
source of inspiration. There are many who have been through worse than you.
10. Have faith in
God that He always provides whatever is necessary to face the apparent and
unseen challenges that life hands us. And at the exact right moment He will show
you the necessity of this experience and reveal His Divine plan to you.
I endured a
ten-year estrangement from three of my adult children and subsequently two
grandchildren. While it has never been my style to wallow in self-pity, the
excruciating pain of being separated from my children nearly ended my life as I
knew it. Yet the strength and love of my Heavenly Father upheld me. Once I
learned to fully trust in Him and realize that my life was literally in His
hands to do with as He saw fit, my worry and anxiety subsided and in its
place I discovered a sacred peace that has sustained me ever since. Only then
could I fully understand my aunt's response to the loss of her son.
Trust in God. He
will guide you through life's most terrifying moments and bring you to victory
each time. Let go of the need to live life on your terms. Follow His directive.
He is really all you need - now and for
eternity.
Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
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