Conflict: one of the
most feared words in the English language and sadly one of the most
misunderstood as well. My mission: to bring deeper awareness to this benign
term, to remove all preconceived negativity associated with disagreements, and
to reinstate it's position of value in our vocabulary. If anyone is prepared to
undertake such a loft goal, it is I - Conflict Resolution Girl! (Ta-da-ta-da!)
Lately I've been conducting a lot of conflict resolution
workshops for businesses. In almost every case attendees admit to avoiding
conflict whenever possible. "I hate fighting" is a common response.
Yet conflict, I explain, is not synonymous with arguing. It's simply defined as
"two forces in opposition", two differences of opinions or views.
With the proper skills, disputes can actually be a valuable asset.
Consider the PROD Method the next time a disagreement
arises. PROD stands for Position > Request vs Opinion > Demand. Let me
explain:
First, state your Position: how you see things, what is not
working for you, and how you feel.
Here's an example: A manager notices that one of her employees takes longer
than permissible lunch breaks. She approaches the worker and states the
following: "I've noticed that on several occasions you've left early for
lunch and/or returned later than the thirty minutes allowed. Company policy is
very clear as to when employees may leave and exactly when they are expected back.
I find it disconcerting when you bend the rules."
Secondly, express your Request: ask for what you
need/expect, being fair and reasonable, assertive and confident. "I need
you to pay closer attention to the time you come and go. I'm confident that
will not be an issue for you. If you need assistance, I'd be happy to
help."
The second portion of PROD refers to Opinion and Demands.
Consider the same scenario but the manager expressing her Opinion rather than
Position. "You're taking advantage of this company by not obeying the
rules. You think rules apply to everyone but you."
Follow this with a Demand: "Do it again and I'll have
you fired! Don't push your luck or you'll regret it."
Can you see the distinct differences? Position shows respect
for the other party by dealing with facts only and refraining from assumptions,
judgments, or threats. It speaks in the first person ("I" terms)
about an observation, feelings and needs, and treats the other party as an peer. The Request is based on fairness, seeks a reasonable
solution, and relies on trust that the other party will fully comply.
Opinion, on the other hand, is subject to interpretation rather
than being fact-based. It's judgmental, rude, hurtful, and fails to take into
consideration the other person's feelings.
Demands create an imbalance of power - a parent/child or
authority/subordinate relationship. (Even though it may apply it is not
necessarily advantageous.) Its fear-based origins lend themselves to giving strict
orders with severe consequences in order to gain control and obtain the desired
resolution.
Consider how you would best respond to another person
approaching you to discuss a sensitive issue. Polite, fair, reasonable, and
respectful vs judgmental, rude, excessive, and hurtful. It's a no-brainer. And
no, that does not mean that you don't need a brain. It takes a fair amount of
intelligence to master the art of resolution but even more than brains it
requires sensitivity, compassion, consideration, and respect. And those all come
from the heart.
To order a copy of The Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
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