Disagreements - those annoying irritations that throw a
monkey wrench into our otherwise blissful lives and disrupt any possible chances
we have of experiencing serenity and
joy. Augh! "Why can't people simply agree with me, even if they
don't, and just allow us to coexist peacefully? But, no - regardless of how right I am there are some people who
will disagree simply to aggravate me. I can never win an argument and that
annoys me even more!" Sound like anyone you know?
Have you even given thought to the fact that the majority of
issues we argue about are ridiculously insignificant? Before I invest my time or energy into
debating an issue, I ask myself, "Will this even matter in ten
years?" If the answer is "no" I let it go. However, there are times when a discussion is
necessary. When you and the other party disagree, is it possible to always be
right and win every time? Yes, actually it is.
Ordinarily, when two people disagree, they express their
opposing perspectives with the sole intent of convincing the other party to
have a change of heart. They do so by imparting a very strong argument
supported with verifiable facts and strong
opinions. They are steadfast upon proving the other party wrong, allowing them
to speak only to the degree to which they are not perceived as being rude. So
unwavering are they that they will not rest until their mission is complete,
even if it means continuing the discussion at another time or calling in
reinforcements. Ego overrides humanity in an epic battle to the bitter end.
In my seventeen years of being
married to "Mr. Right", I've learned that there is a way to always be
right and to win an argument every time. Let me share with you my little
secret:
At the outset, consider the
following:
1. Give the other party ample time
to present their point of view. 2. Make certain that they feel heard, understood, and validated even if
you don't share their position. Never criticize or belittle them.
3. Be certain to always treat
them with dignity and respect. 4. A key ingredient to resolving one's differences is in making certain
both parties needs are met, on some level, in some way, and within a reasonable
period of time. Satisfy theirs before your own.
"OK", you say, "I
did that but they still don't agree with me. So, in essence I didn't win the
argument at all!" (Patience, grasshopper. There is more.)
THE KEY
Erroneously, we concern ourselves
more with being right about issues than
about being right. (What, you ask?)
When you do what is right, (what is
in accordance with Divine Law - such as treating others with consideration and
kindness) you are right -in God's eyes. You cannot be
wrong because you are extending Divine Love to your brother. When you treat others in a
loving manner you garner their respect and trust. They appreciate your concern
for their well-being and are very likely to reciprocate in a like manner. They
become more cooperative and willing to see your point (and in some cases, even
find common ground that you both agree on). You have solidified your reputation
of being someone who is trustworthy, understanding, caring, and fair-minded. When
you are right (with God and your former opponent), you have won trust, respect,
loyalty, cooperation, self-respect, and favor with the Lord. And you have won
an ally for life. Seems to me like that makes you a winner on every level.
Do not concern yourself with being
right. Care instead about doing what is right and you will, ironically, be right. Furthermore, do not obsess with
winning the issue. Seek instead to
win an ally. But more importantly, you
will win God's favor as well.
Bonus Q and A
A. Love
Q. It doesn't matter. The answer is always "Love".
To order a copy of The Secret
Side of Anger or The Great Truth visit
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
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