Few people I know like to the process of resolving
disagreements. In fact, when they hear "conflict" they automatically
equate it with fighting. Yet one is not comparable
to the other. Conflict is simply two forces in opposition. Fighting is defined
with such words as "violent, battle, combat, hostile encounter".
Conflict resolution need not be hostile at all. In fact, there are many
advantages to having disagreements with others. Our differences challenge us to
see things from another perspective, to open our minds to new possibilities, to
learn and grow. We are given
opportunities to expand our creative process of finding solutions. And on a
spiritual level, we are asked to be considerate of others, to possibly put
their needs before our own (unselfish), or to sacrifice completely with a
generous heart so that the other person may benefit. Whatever the case, the
process of finding resolution to our differences can be highly beneficial if we
avoid making the following common mistakes:
1. Failure to remain calm: it's easy to get excited,
aggravated, frustrated, or angry when debating with another party. Emotions
flair and a peaceful discussion quickly escalates to a bitter battle.
2. The long-winded approach: we tend to ramble and elaborate
more than is absolutely necessary. This poses a risk of frustrating both
parties, saying something inappropriate, or veering off topic.
3. Being close-minded or opinionated: a "my way or the
highway" approach works with no
one. Arguing about who's right and who's wrong is fruitless. "There's only
one solution" stifles the creative process and potentially overlooks the
best solution.
4. Being unreasonable or unfair: being concerned only about
the self creates an atmosphere of distrust. Making outrageous or impossible
demands defeats the entire process, leaving both parties frustrated and
annoyed.
5. Using fuel-injected statements: personal attacks,
criticisms, digs, or disrespectful comments put the other party on the
defensive and only escalate feelings of distrust and anger.
How then does one peacefully resolve disagreements before
they become combative? Here are five simple solutions:
1. This is a discussion not a battle. Maintain a positive,
solution-oriented mindset. Breathe to remain calm. Practice SWaT* if necessary.
Remember you are attacking the problem, not the
person.
2. Brief is better. Keep it short and to the point. Stick to
the topic. Set a time limit if
necessary.
3. Remain open-minded. Embrace new ideas. View this as a
learning experience.
4. Consider the other person's point of view as equal and
valid as yours. They have the same rights as you do in having their needs met.
Conceding, if possible, or finding an agreeable compromise validates them as a
valuable human being.
5. Use calming, inclusive statements such as "I have faith that we can work this out."
"I really want you to be happy with the end result."
Keep in mind that unless it is a matter of life or death, no
issue needs to be resolved at that exact moment. Take time off. Rethink your
position or the situation. Consider other alternatives. Ask for outside
assistance if necessary. Be solution oriented. Remember, there are always
multiple solutions to each challenge we face. Be patient. Be persistent. Trust
that you are capable. And never forget to satisfy the other party as well.
*Stop, Walk, Talk Strategy from The Secret Side of Anger
To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger or The Great
Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
New shows added
weekly.
No comments:
Post a Comment