One of the predominant complaints I hear from my clients is
"This isn't fair!" Referring to an incident where they or someone else
has suffered a perceived injustice, they feel angered that things were not
equitable. There is a universal misconception that if you play by the rules you
will be treated justly. If you show up at work on time each day and put in a productive
eight hours, you'll receive your yearly raise and Christmas bonus. If you are a
loyal and faithful spouse your partner will appreciate you and yours will be a
fairytale marriage. When the raise is not forthcoming or your spouse decides to
leave you for someone else or when your
best friend reveals a secret they vowed to take with them to their grave, the
natural reaction is feelings of betrayal and rage.
Moving beyond our personal experiences, we also feel a sense
of outrage when a crime is committed and the felon receives the minimum
sentence or worse, none at all. We grieve the loss of a mother whose children
were killed in a car accident caused by an intoxicated driver. Each of us could
site dozens of incidences where we have experienced betrayal, injustice or loss
on a personal or broader level. It is easy to become disheartened and angered
at the unfairness life presents us with on a daily basis. Yet each has logical
reason for occurring and there are methods to move beyond the anger and hurt.
The key in
not being held hostage to each of these experiences is to understand their
purpose and value in our lives. Readjusting our expectations of others and of
life in general helps alleviate the shock and frustration when betrayal,
unfairness, and/or loss enters our lives. Keep in mind the following:
1. Understand
that others are not here to live up to our expectations of who/what we want
them to be. Some are not trustworthy due to deep rooted personal issues. Others
may feel justified in breaking a promise even though we may not share their
point of view. Their position is a valid to them as ours is to us. This may not
be an issue of right or wrong and we must be careful not to make it one.
2. We need to
abandoned the notion that life is fair. There is no real justice in this life
simply because humans are imperfect, have different opinions, and make mistakes.
Additionally, we each have our own ideas of what fairness is. I may think it's
perfectly reasonable that if I do a favor for you, you will reciprocate.
However, you may not be in a position to do so or you may not have asked for my
help initially and therefore feel you don't owe me anything. Even in the case
where we feel justice has been served, it is really retribution for a committed
offense that we are seeking. Retribution does not undo the wrong-doing. It
simply brings some satisfaction that the other party had to "pay the
price".
3. Loss is an
inevitable part of life. Nothing was meant to last forever, in part, because
God does not want us to become attached to anything or anyone. Loss is laden
with fear as we relinquish control in a situation. The fear of the unknown -
not knowing what will come next or how it will impact me and if I will be ok in
my new circumstances. But loss is necessary for growth. We must be willing to
let go, to give up, to be free of what is no longer a necessary part of our
lives. Even in our relationships - none was meant to last forever. By letting
go of the fear associated with loss, we open ourselves up to being able to
fully enjoy what we currently have rather than worry about when we will lose
it/them. God wants us to only cling to Him and in doing so, in having faith and
knowing that all I ever need is already and always present to me, I need no
longer fear loss.
Remember that
betrayal, injustice, and loss are all a vital part of our life's journey,
necessary for our personal growth, and most noticeably, essential for our
spiritual development. Have faith, trust in God. All is exactly as it is meant
to be.
To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger or The
Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
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