RESOLVE CONFLICT WITH "HARD LOVING"

My guest today was attorney and mediator, Mari Frank. She shared some powerful tips on resolving conflict. Her mnemonic phrase “HARD LOVING” really packs a punch (figuratively speaking, of course!).

When dealing with one who is angry and trying to find resolution to an issue, try the following:

H - Halt: stop and breathe at the moment you feel yourself becoming upset. Refrain from becoming defensive. Remain calm.

A – Anger Control: Take notice of where the anger settles in your body – tense muscles, clenched fists, etc. Feel it. Your body is a messenger of your emotions.

R – Reverse the Reaction: take a moment and ease your physical symptoms. Relax your muscles, unclench your hands.

D – Disengage: release your defensiveness. It’s easy to feel under attack. Do not take personal offense to the others behavior. Remain neutral.

L – Listen: Listen objectively to what the other is saying. Listen effectively and receptively.

O – Openly Mirror and Restate Neutrally: reflect back what you heard them say.

V – Voice Open-Ended Questions: ask questions to learn more. “Can you explain what you mean?”

I – Imagine Solutions Together: brainstorm solutions to the issue. Request input from each party.

N – Non-Aggression: calmly respond to their suggestions or comments.

G – Go Away: if any eminent danger is present, leave immediately. If you reach a stalemate, calmly excuse yourself stating you will resume negotiations when both parties are calm and rational.

Mari refers to this technique as “solutioneering”.  (Love it!)

The process of resolving conflicts does not have to be problematic and result is arguing or fighting. If you follow Mari’s techniques, which I wholeheartedly support, you will experience greater success in less time and will significantly less aggravation. Peaceful resolution is possible.

For more information on Mari Frank, visit www.conflicthealing.com or www.MariFrank.com. Mari is a California attorney and mediator with 26 years experience. Her books, including Negotiation Breakthroughs, are available on her website.